Advice in explaining bio parent

[MrsJ2020]

Hi everyone. I hope this is the right area to post!
I am in need of some advice but I will give a little back story.
I got pregnant when I was 21 in a casual relationship, at the time the dad didnt want to know and cut contact with me.
I met my current hubby while I was pregnant and we got together officially when LO was around 8weeks old. He has been part of LO life since birth and LO knows him as Dad. We are married and LO goes by hubby's surname which he decided himself when I explained I was changing my name too.
Bio dad wanted to be part of his life when he was born, but now he doesnt, hasnt been in contact for over 2 years and LO doesnt know who he is (not through a lack of me trying). Some other notes - bio dad was very abusive emotinally and mentally towards me during pregnancy and in the early days, I had to call the police ect for various reasons, so contact has been done through his parents.

My question is that my LO is asking questions about where babys come from and did daddy live with us when he was born.
I told him that when he was born it was just me and him and then we met Daddy and Daddy loved us both.
However, we have always wanted to be honest about his parentage and assumed that bio dad would be on the scene but he is not. Now we are not sure how to explain things to LO!

I hope that makes sense!

Thank you xx

Ahh this is a hard one actually. I suppose you have to be prepared that at some point the bio dad may get in touch when your sons older and mend fences.

I would be a honest as you can, making sure that the child knows the reason why his biological dad didnt chose to stay was nothing to do with him.

I would also be very careful in terms of how badly you paint the bio dad, I know it doesn't seem fair but later down the line it could to damage your relationship. Keep it factual and as unemotive as possible.

Hopefully others will have better advice than I have given here !

This is such a biggie I’d go to the library and see if you can find any books/guidance. I’m sure if you google step parent/blended family guide book something might come up? My DC had to meet the woman that was OW as their new SM and I found a lot of helpful books which we all read (well, me & her, ExH didn’t bother )

There's a book called Families Families Families by Suzanne Lang which is good for 3-5 year olds. Good for explaining all different families which might help lead a conversation?

No advice but you’re doing exactly the right thing by thinking all of this through properly and going about it with honestly that’s age appropriate. He’s a lucky boy. Any chance of DH adopting him?

Hi OP, you’re approaching it in the right way with your little one so don’t worry. I’d suggest this approach to telling him when he asks questions or you feel the moments right and tell him he’s got two types of daddy’s. Daddy xxx who’s his biological dad who helped him be made in your tummy and daddy xxx who loves him and looks after him now. Keep it factual and not too emotional and he will just accept it as kids do. If he asks anymore about why he doesn’t see bio dad be gently honest and say not all men are ready to be dads and that’s not his fault x