DSC doesn’t want to see one parent

[GlitterCupcakes]

Hi there, my SO’s DC has decided they don’t want to come over to see my SO anymore. No reason at all given other than they don’t want to as it’s an inconvenience. DSC lives primarily with the other parent and their SO, who live 25 minutes from me and my SO. DSC has not seen my SO in a few months, citing covid worries, my SO went along with this but is putting their foot down now. All parents and stepparents are now fully vaccinated, the child will be fully vaccinated before they return to school. The child is aged 15 and the court ordered schedule is 1 overnight every weekend. The parent the child lives with doesn’t want to get involved and won’t force the child to go see their other parent (my SO). If it’s important, DSC’s parents were never in a relationship so the child has grown up with 2 families. My SO has told the child they can change to every 2 weekends or once a month, but has been told no. Won’t see their parent outside of the house for dinner etc. either. DC is not mature for their age and not as independent as a 15 year old should be.

My SO tried to pick the child up today but was refused access by the parent who “won’t force them to leave the house”. Asked if they could see the child face to face and told they “cannot enter my house”. Other parent has been LC and amicable up until this point.

My SO is reluctant to go back to court because of the child’s age plus the police don’t get involved in custody arrangements here, they have advised we can report it for the official record for our solicitor but that’s it. What’s to stop the other parent from refusing access day 1 after the new court order?

Has anyone been in this situation? What do you do? Just leave the DC alone and hope they come to their senses?

@Chiffandbip sorry you’re going through the same thing. I hope your DSD comes around soon.

@Fireflygal @candlelightsatdawn DSC is an only child so definitely not the issue. SO was 19 when DSC was born. We would like to have at least one child together but not for another few years.

DSC has their own room here, everything they’ve asked for, room decorated to their taste and we don’t ask them to socialise with us unless they come down on their own, we’ll encourage them to sit down for a chat. They get whatever food they want (usually junk food) and don’t have a set bedtime but we will ask them to put their devices away at midnight, although usually they sneak back on their phone which isn’t an issue - it’s the weekend. There’s no chores etc. The only thing they don’t have here is their friends but they haven’t seen their friends since school as confirmed by the other parent so that can’t be an issue?

I think most posters are right, it’s probably just them asserting their independence but they barely even reply to my SO’s text messages and won’t even see them for an hour. That’s the bit I don’t understand - I can see why they wouldn’t want to stay over every weekend or even ever, but I can’t understand why they won’t even meet up with SO for an hour.

Thanks all for your replies, SO is going to keep reaching out but not forcing anything, just letting them know the door is always open. Also to anyone wondering, obviously he will still pay CS and give gifts etc.

@GlitterCupcakes, just wondered if step siblings could actually help the situation by being an intermediary.

@GlitterCupcakes if it help,s our SC was like this re phone calls and texts and still like this in between contact days. She's grown up only child , I think that's made her a little more insular if I'm honest.
I think everyone's asked out SC about this and she's like I'm busy playing computer games ect and doesn't actually think about what it's like to be left on read. As I said teenagers aren't know for the empathy.

@Fireflygal if that's the case I owe you a apology. I'm so used to people being beaten by that exact question that I get bit leery when it's asked. However your right actually I never thought that maybe siblings could act as intermediaties that's a good shout. Obviously doesn't apply to OP since her latest post but totally relevant if someone comes along to this thread with similar problem and does have siblings in the mix ! Again sorry if I came across badly !

@NotNowBernarrd

I think this is very common. 15 year olds have their own interests and friends and start spending less time with their parents whether they live with them or not.

I agree with this, it isn't the other parent, they seem to have been reasonable all these years so don't blame them. It's the SC, they are asserting their will. As long as your so continues to pay maintenance and make it known that they want to see them, it should work itself out over time.

Could they just stay in touch by WhatsApp? Do they support the same team..could they watch online together? Play Xbox against each other? Most teens start to move away from parents at this stage so it is normal enough behaviour. Most important is keeping lines of communication open in any way possible and your dp to be always open to renewed contact with no backlash. So unconditional love. Relationships change at this age so bit by bit they hopefully will find another way of communication..of being father and son but it takes time. Just important for your dp to be the adult and not take things personally. Also ds may be depressed after lockdown and maybe going back to school and getting into a routine will help.

@candlelightsatdawn oh it’s definitely a case of that. I don’t know any teenager who’s eager to reply to messages! :)

@junebirthdaygirl they won’t reply to SO’s messages at all. They’ve blocked SO on online gaming and seem to have shut him out of every possible way of contact. At this stage we’re short of wondering if SC is even alive (joking) but the only communication we have right now is with SC’s DM which is starting to dwindle. We’re hoping that with return to school, they’ll tell their friends what’s going and they might make them see sense. One of their friends lost one of their parents at a young age so we are hoping they tell SC how much they wished their parent was still alive and that SC is being silly.

That's really tough @GlitterCupcakes. I don't have teenagers, but was thinking maybe you could get some more ideas about how OH can keep the door open on communication from the parenting teenagers bit of the forum. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers