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Step-parenting

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Parent shaming

4 replies

mummytotwoboys0600 · 19/08/2021 14:50

Is it me or are most people on here just to criticise and not offer any actual advice other than to put them down. Few previous posts about step children I have read and most jump on the bad wagon saying how they are treated unfairly. If you've got nothing nice to say don't say anything at all. Please just offer actual advice, let's not "mum shame" each other. Be kind!!!

OP posts:
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bogoffmda · 19/08/2021 18:59

There is often very sound advice on here - I learned alot when I first became a single parent about the other sides persepctive. Since becoming an SM to 3, alot of what I had previously read came into practice.

Some people do not offer helpful advice and some of the posters do not like the advice when it is not in there favour.

Whilst it is a hard forum - there are some invaluable tips on here.

The SM is not always wrong but not always right
The Ex is not always the cause of the issues but on here there is rarely a thread when they do not get blamed.
Disney Dads are very common
DSCs are always being brought up with less manners, behavioural issues than resident DC
Some of it does get a bit tedious

A narrative in the middle is probably right. I think some very extreme views are posted both by SPs and non SPs

candlelightsatdawn · 20/08/2021 07:56

There is decent advice on here usually mixed in with the whole MNs stepparent bingo that goes on.

You have advice from step parents, you often have a lot of advice from the other side too (mums, adults who have been step children) all with their own view point.

It's a tricky and hard board esp for newbies who have no idea on the lingo that's allowed and not allowed and often get fried for it. People don't often read properly or project their own issues on to posts. They come for support and often get a lot of hate but there are decent people who comment on this board.

Step parenting is a emotive subject, far to many people condemn SP for things they have thought as actual parents . A few times I have had to point out that a OP was in a bad mental state and that the comments where getting to a really harmful level and that there's a human on the end of a post and we won't know how that will effect the OP. I have seen this happen to a SM and also a mum who posted for advice on here.

Being a parent on any level is bloody hard but made 100% by a Disney dad and none of the power/control a mum has that a SP doesn't . However this board is better that AIBU board which is nicknamed "first wives board" for a reason.

I have yet to met a MN perfect parent in the wild before that spout of the stuff that's uttered on here, I think in real life people would struggle to be that unkind to someone's face. Although that maybe naive of me.

I would say behind every post about a SP being frazzled by SC is a Disney dad/mum making SPs life just hellish.

However there have been SP on here who have been totally unreasonable (aka the women who had three rooms and wouldn't give up her walk in closet/study and nursery, to allow her SC to have a bed, insisting she sleep on sofa or blow up mattress). That was a lovely post because all mums, step mums and daughters all came together to say that wasn't ok.

girlmom21 · 20/08/2021 08:05

There are people on here who offer great advice but there are also people (normally the ones whose ExH left them for OW) who think stepparents are the devil and children should be treated like angels even when they're little shits

Magda72 · 20/08/2021 09:13

I think the reason there's so much 'ex blaming' on here is that you're getting sp's coming on here at the end of their tether, & I would say 90% of sp's on here are genuinely dealing with a difficult ex & a Disney parent - a dynamic which is 100% a left over from said parents previous relationship & which most sp's have become unwittingly embroiled in because the dynamic often only really erupts when people move in together/get married/have another child.
I'm sorry to say but there is a cohort of women on here who hijack nearly every thread with their own agenda which is to flame stepparents no matter what. It's unhelpful, damaging, not in the spirit of the board & MN really should 'police' it better. They try & derail every thread with their projections & it stops proper discussion of issues from happening.
However, if you can bypass these trolls there is some great advice & posters on here from all walks of life - parents, stepparents, stepchildren. It becomes just a matter of 'avoiding' certain posters & I do feel that the 'rational' posters have gotten very good at standing up for themselves and others & drowning out the trolls.
There's many people on here I may not agree with but they engage in proper debate & I understand where they may be coming from - & that's very different to the die hard anti sm (& let's face it it is mainly anti sm not sf) brigade who there is no dealing with.

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