Is it possible to have a sleep routine just for when SD visits us?

[L0l0]

How have other step-families of very young children found their sleep routines when they are only staying every other weekend?
We have been having 2yo DSD for overnight weekend stays for a few weeks now and her lack of bedtime routine is beginning to take it's toll. When she arrives on the Friday it is nearly impossible to get her to sleep before 9pm and then she will wake at 5:30. She is invariably tired by 10:30am so we hold off as long as possible on her nap and then we can usually get her to bed and asleep by 8pm on the Saturday and she will sleep till 7am.

Her Mum says her bedtime varies and she will wake at 5:30 with a few wake-ups through the night (although she doesn't wake in the night at our house). My DP is resigned to letting this be the case when she is at our house but I would like to get her into a 7.30 - 7.30 routine if possible?
Is it?

Depends on how much routine is at home (if any) and how frequently your having her ?If they are set days this will help you

By aged 2 the child should be in a routine but now so you will be fighting against the grain to get her to come around. Sounds like a you maybe fighting against the grain with DH too.

It will get easier as she gets older but a lot will rely on her routine at home.

My OH was Disney dadding and wanting them to stay up late whereas they didn't at home. It took time for him to realise it wasn't good for them or him. Is there any element of that in your situation? If not and routine is haphazard at home too youre likely in for a tough time

When my DSD started a regular EOW rhythm she was 18 months. Her mum gave my partner zero information at any time about sleep, food or anything!
My partner created his own rituals, habits etc and DSD got used to them. Consistency and predictability worked very well.

2yo is still quite young. Mine was still BF at night at this age, and didn't actually start sleeping through till they were 2.
I think there has to be an element of "this is what we do in this home". I personally liked ours to start bedtime routine at 7ish aiming to be tucked up by 8pm once they were weaned (makes me sound like a nanny goat!). They would have been having an after lunch nap still. This doesn't work for every family and every child. My siblings child didn't have a routine as a pre-schooler, they went to bed at the same time as their parents and caught up with sleep in longer daytime naps - their parents wanted to keep it child led, rather than structured, which worked for them.
Mine wouldn't have settled away from me for a whole weekend, so this might be the issue if its the same case with your sc? You say its recently that they've been staying weekends, could it be too much for them?

My DP is resigned to letting this be the case when she is at our house but I would like to get her into a 7.30 - 7.30 routine if possible?

Who wouldn't want that? Unfortunately it's not that easy as every child is different and they don't come with the ability to program them?

Do you think parents (that don't have the additional factor of 2 different houses and 2 different routines) moan about lack of sleep and tiredness for fun?

I'm guessing you either don't have your own children and/or have been very lucky with them being amazing sleepers!

Also why is your partner only just starting to have her overnight? Either it's a very recent split in which I'd question her staying with the new partner so soon, or if the split was a while ago then her dad hasn't had her much until now? Either of these could also make things a bit trickier

Thanks all, some interesting insights and seems like consistency and predictability is key as well as flexibility.

@natis if the context is helpful, my partner was never in a relationship with the Mum, they had a few dates which went no further and I met my Partner pretty much shortly after this so whilst I only met baby at 8 months old, I had been with DP for over a year at that point.

Overnight stays have been built up to, having spent two long days together each week for quite some time, then one night, now two.

How far away do you live? Is your DSD sleeping on the car journey to dads on Fridays?

sleeping 9pm to 5.30 sounds pretty normal at this age

9pm to 5.30 is not remotely ‘normal’ at 2 based on my experience. If mine had gone to bed at 9pm they would have been shattered!

@L0l0 I’m not sure how possible it is, a lot depends on what routine the child is in at home. It’s very hard to adjust the body clock if the majority of the time they are on a different routine.

What worked for mine was a structured routine. Wind down time, Bath, story time, bed. But I did that the majority of nights and so they recognised it and were asleep by 7/7.30. They didn’t sleep until 7am though, awake by 6/6.30am.

The issue with restricting nap times may be a tad counterintuitive as the other side of this is that an over wrought, overtired toddler is harder to get to sleep.

At 2 both of my children were asleep for 6.30 and awake again at 6am, it was bliss

Kids at that age are adaptable, she’ll get into a routine at your house. The trick is to be rigid about it and do the same routine at the same times every single time.

Does she sleep in her car seat on the way to your house? This would result in a late (9pm) bedtime.

Good luck, no routine stopped my DS waking up at 5:30. He continue to be an early riser. It was quite nice when he was up at 7:00 ready to go to breakfast club when most of my friends had constant battles to get their kids up.

Saying that, she is your DP, he can get up early, you get to sleep until you see fit to get up.

I think until her mum has more of a routine then you’ll struggle to be honest; once she’s older she will understand better that you have a different routine but at 2 it’s going to be tricky. I’d stick with what you’re doing for now

Not all toddlers sleep in a ‘7.30-7.30’ routine. Some do but many don’t. And especially not in a strange house they’ve just started sleeping over in.

On me experience there’s no special trick or fantastic routine that makes a child sleep 7.30-7.30 otherwise we’d all be doing it. Try to establish a good bedtime routine then hope for the best.

At that age starting a sleep training approach every other weekend to get 12 hours sleep is highly unlikely to work. You could have a bedtime routine that you do each time she stays to signal that this is bedtime though. It doesn't have to be asleep by 7.30 or staying up and about playing until 9pm.

Her mum would probably rather not have early mornings so I doubt she's doing things how she is at home for fun.

You may find that the first night after a handover she will be a bit unsettled anyway, and it may be that way for a long while, depending on how easy the transition is for her.

Also be aware that sometimes the later and longer her nap, the later she'll go to bed. You may want to keep her nap to 30 mins - 1 hour, maybe with lunch/snack at 11/11.30 and a nap straight after.

Are you having her every Friday and Saturday night going forward?

Sounds to me like you're doing really well with the build up to having her overnight.

Like a pp, one of mine woke at 5.30-6 no matter what. It used to drive me mental when people helpfully told me, oh I wouldn’t have that, make him stay in bed, like I loved getting up at dawn. What you are describing doesn’t sound that bad to be honest, and it’s not surprising it takes her a while to settle on the first night. It’s the broken nights which kill you!