TTC and Steph child

[Mysafeplace]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 2 years, we’ve been trying to conceive for over a year now and I’ve had multiple miscarriages. I’m finding it really hard that he has something I desperately want. It’s putting a massive strain on our relationship. I just don’t know what to do

@mysafeplace

Big hugs and sympathies from me. We have also been trying to conceive with not luck and I now feel it is far too late for me (I just turned 46). I understand who it can put a strain on your relationship. Have you talked to your Doctor? Considered IVF? Have you thought about adopting?

It is tricky. Have you spoken to your GP. I have been in your position and I felt like no matter how much my partner said he wanted a child with me he would be ok as he has his other children whereas I was childless. Have you been able to speak to him openly about this? And have you been able to get a little space from the stepchildren to try and heal a little when you've had a miscarriage?

Tommy's baby loss charity had a world of information on their website, a Facebook private group and also miscarriage clinics in the UK which are fantastic and your GP can refer you too.

Sounds like you need some time to reconnect with your body, and reconnect with your partner. Maybe a break away just you too ?

Name changed from my regular username.

It took me and DH 2 years to conceive, he has children from previous relationships, infertility was literally the hardest thing I’ve been through and put massive strain on our marriage.

I resented him for having what I couldn’t and knowing it was me who was the problem was even worse when other women had already given him children so easily. We couldn’t get help on the NHS cause he already had children and couldn’t afford to pay for it anytime soon, he blamed himself for having children which was ridiculous and made me feel worse, it consumed me and it was a very stressful and lonely road.

I don’t really have much advice because to be honest I know nothing anyone could have said to me while going through that would have made it any better, but please talk to someone, anyone, it will make you feel less alone.

I’m now 20 weeks and she was a complete surprise, it’s all worth it in the end.

Be kind to yourself and take a break if you need it ♥️

Thanks so much ladies
NC2533 that's amazing news.. That's honestly made me smile:
I really hope we have our happy ending because it's really causing a strain on us.

People say try not to stress but that's so hard.

We couldn’t get help on the NHS cause he already had children and couldn’t afford to pay for it anytime soon yes I found this deeply unfair.

So sorry its been so difficult for you OP.
We had a unexpected pregnancy quite early on the relationship which caused a lot of stress and worry in the early days, once we got our heads around it I then miscarried and there was nothing else I could think of. Its a huge strain. I think from that moment was when thinking about the ex and not being 'jealous' but being resentful that they had a baby together when they shouldnt have and that he'd done it all before etc.

It will happen for you darling.

For those of you mentioning you werent entitled to IVF on NHS there a step mum group I'm part of that have a petition for this because its incredibly unfair. Follow stepmumcollective on instagram and ukstepmum to find out more and sign it.

So sorry about your losses OP.

You don't say how old you are. If you have time would it be a good thing to take the pressure off for a few months and take a break from 'officially' TTC? I know it is all consuming. But you want a relationship at the end of it that is solid enough to support a child. Even though he has DC already your partner may still be mourning the losses too.

Not quite the same situation but my DP dragged his feet on us TTC. I found for my mental health I did need to do things for myself away from watching him snuggle up with his existing DC as it was very lonely for me. I'd leave him at home with his DC sometimes and see child free friends, treat myself etc and have fun. (All the things that become more tricky once you have DC... get the focus back on nurturing you, not future DC, not SDC, not partner, YOU)

Also does he spend child free quality time with you?

NC2533 -brilliant news - 5 miscarriages and finally one stuck, complete surprise but stressful

Your DP though needs a bloody wake up call, to regret having DCs because you and he were struggling - is an appalling indictment of his mindset and so sad for his already here chidlren. To even say it to you so you feel the guilt is not good.

@Mysafeplace Hi

I am so sorry you are having such a struggle with TTC. I also have a step child and childless myself.

This year I have had an ectopic and a miscarriage and I find it difficult with my OH already having a child.

Try not to be so hard on yourself though and take some you time. It's hard not to get wrapped up in ttc (I need to do this myself) and just try stay positive and believe it will happen. Make sure you are still enjoying your twos time together and get some fun things booked into your diary to try and keep your mind off of it.

You could always go and book into a fertility clinic to put your mind at ease but I know the cost can make it difficult to do so.

Are the doctors investigating what’s causing the miscarriages for you?

Sorry to hear it’s so tough for you.