Hi, I am needing some advice. We both have children of our own. DP is a great partner to me he is also a people pleaser in all areas of his life and doesn’t like conflict. I would rather just address issues straight away. I do care deeply about his DC too and it’s not their fault.
We have been away for the first time properly and it was so frustrating because he rarely says no to his DC and he gives them far too many options. I knew this already but being together 24/7 was not the same as being at home and normal daily life. Mealtimes are very boring long drawn out and frustrating as he will give them so many options for food and they will pick lots of things that it’s unlikely they will eat and we have to sit there while they mess around with a lot of food, usually they will then demand something else and he will go and get it and they don’t eat that either. The mealtimes go on so long as there are no boundaries and then a mountain of food. This is often in front of other children including mine who are doing as they are asked, sitting still and eating the 1 chosen meal option and I am sitting there thinking WTF are you doing and by the end of the day he’s totally burned out by all the demands and running around he starts mentally checking out. This is also crazy expensive! I see this happening and try to help him by backing him up sometimes but they ignore me anyway so I give up.
They won’t walk or cycle their bikes or scooters very far and expect to be carried or pushed and DP never says no. Going anywhere can take 5 times longer than everyone else’s pace because of all the up and down and they only want him so I can’t help with that. They are not toddlers.
He does remind them to say please and thank you but they rarely say it without prompting. The older one is often trying to get his attention but the younger one dominates him completely and the older one can get jealous and behave a little badly and gets told off. Little one rarely gets told off. I end up just walking off sometimes when I see things deteriorating as I worry I would become that person always saying no and negative all the time.
I have tried to talk to him and he knows it’s an issue but in the moment he always wants the easiest option so gives them what they ask for on the spot. I often explain reasons to my children if I am saying no or why they should do something instead of just saying no but he doesn’t do this either which I have pointed out isn’t confrontational. When I am putting boundaries in with mine usually that’s the end of it and if they are rude or misbehave I deal with it straight away either diffusing it or explaining why it’s not ok and what the expectation is (like eating x amount of their dinner).
How do other people manage different parenting styles in families like this, we aren’t coparenting together but doesn’t feel like we are a team and it is quite stressful.