How to explain a sibling’s estrangement to a 10 year old

[Checasino]

My adult step daughter as recently turned on my husband and has ignored his offer of joint counselling to try to resolve their differences etc. We have a 10 year old daughter who keeps asking when she is is going to see her older sister over the holidays and we need to tell her something soon rather than keep fobbing her off. I have messaged my step daughter offering to facilitate contact between them over the holidays but this has also been ignored. I am not prepared to keep on contacting her as I could be accused of meddling or worse. Any ideas on how to explain the situation to our young daughter? I have already said that we need to be careful not to slag the older one off to her etc etc.

You could say they've had a falling out and hopefully things will get resolved but there are complicated feelings there? At 10 she is old enough to know people don't always get on.

@Pingued thank you. Yes my feeling is to keep it as simple and as neutral as possible.

Yes I would, but also old enough for them to have the truth rather than have it brushed over and them wonder what had happened and if they'd done something wrong. So I'd reassure her its not some thing she had done.

You need to tell the truth. My dd had something similar when she was younger than yours. I fluffed it for months with “oh she’s busy” but she kept asking and asking and crying for them. It was incredibly sad, so I sat her down and told her. She never asked again and just said “that’s sad” and accepted it.

@Pingued agreed. It doesn't feel right to lie to her and we genuinely don't want to ruin their relationship with each other but it's difficult when we have our own perspective on this issues. I have told other half we need to be the grown ups here...

@EvilPea thank you. I hope things have settled for you now...

Yes they have, thank you for asking. never mentioned again after a few questions.

Which is sad in its own right but she got her head round it and was fine with it.

How horrible of your step daughter not to make an effort to see her sister. My adult DDs have pretty much fallen out with their dad, they would love to see their younger sibling but step mum won't meet them unless it's with their dad too, so they rarely if ever see her. Such a shame.

@dancinfeet sorry to hear that. This really is a shitty situation for all concerned. I am just hopeful we can move on somehow...

Just say they have fallen out, no need to go into details. I imagine her view and yours will be very different on who is to blame so you need to try and ensure she’s not party to conversations or views of one side etc.

Their relationship may get back on track or it may not. The eldest may stay NC.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss thank you