Shared care arrangements and COVID

[AskingForYourHelp]

Hello,

I am posting on behalf of my partner.

My partner has a 9-year old boy. He has 50-50 shared custody with his ex. This was mutually agreed via a mediator several years ago, and there were no courts involved.

When the child was born, he had severe health problems. Luckily he made a full recovery and is now a happy, healthy, little boy. However, certain situations could be very dangerous for the child because of the health problems he had as a child. We have spoken to experts, and it is currently believed that COVID is a condition that could affect my step son badly if he were to catch it.

Because of this, my partner has taken every step possible to keep his son from catching COVID. We are in a COVID hot spot, so my partner has been keeping his son at home, and only taking him out when necessary.

My partner's ex, however, has a much more carefree attitude towards the whole thing. She thinks that COVID is a hoax, is refusing to get vaccinated, and so on. That is obviously her personal choice, and she is free to believe whatever she wishes of course.

Our concern is how this is affecting my partner's child. My partner's ex is taking the boy out several times a week and is not taking precautions against COVID. She won't listen to my partner's concerns and seems to find the whole thing quite funny.

We have asked if we can have the child more until COVID dies down as we think this is the best for the boy. His ex is refusing us more access.

Does anyone know where we stand legally on this? Or does anyone have any advice?

Thanks

Has he been invited for a vaccination yet? I'm not fully up to speed on the groups yet and sorry if that's a silly question. I think she isn't going to give you more access as you've already got shared care..
What strikes me about your post is you referring to him as "the child" and *the boy" all very cold and clinical.

You don't stand anywhere legally on it. He could take his child's mother to court, but he isn't going to get more access on the basis that he is being taken out and about by his mother instead of being cooped up inside. Covid isn't going to go away. How long is your partner going to keep his son inside for? Forever?
I also think your post is very cold and distant. You clearly have no relationship or interest in your partner's son.

Thanks for your reply.

I actually have a great, loving, relationship with my step son. I have been in his life for several years, and it has been an amazing experience for us both. I didn't include this as it isn't paticulary relevant to my question?

As for referring to him as "boy" and "child", well how else should i have referred to him? I am not going to use his real name for obvious reasons. I don't call him "boy" or "child" in real life.

Just refer to him as your step son.. Simple really..
Your partner would most likely only get full residence if his sons mother posed a safeguarding risk. Taking a child out and not keeping him couped in is hardly a safeguarding violation.

Vunerable children will soon be able to be vaccinated, my child had hers when she was 16 (17 now). I would get your partner to discuss this with mum.

Has your DP spoken to one of his child's doctors to assert the risk of his child would have from catching Covid? If not he needs to.

If the child is healthy now it is likely the risk is minimal and it would calm your DP down.

If the child is still categorised as being at risk them if he's over 12 he will be invited for vaccination at some point.

In regards to the child's mother it is as delilahbucket said.

This is a tough one and I think you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.

So long as his mum is adhering to covid guidelines, she’s doing absolutely nothing wrong. She is also his parent and has every right to parent as she feels fit. The flip side to keeping a 9 year old cooped up is mental health/ emotional issues.

Let me ask you this. How long are you proposing to limit the activities of your SS while he is with you? There are increasing schools of thought that Covid will not ‘calm down’. It is a virus we will learn to live with and it will become endemic amongst us. That means that it will sadly kill a proportion of the population (just like flu does) each year.

Your partner may feel he is in the right. His SS’s DM obviously feels she is in the right. Do you really think she is deliberately endangering her own child?

Where do you stand? Like I said it’s a tricky one. The subject of vaccination in children especially is a very polarising and divisive debate. Based on her views, I doubt she will give consent to her child being vaccinated.

Restrictions are ending tomorrow. She’s entitled to take her son out and I’m sure she loves him so wouldn’t want anything happening to him.

Look, I didn't want to be too dramatic in my opening post, but from what my partner understands, COVID could possibly be fatal for his son. Obviously, we don't know for sure, but until we do, we are taking every prevention measure possible.

My partner's ex isn't a bad mother or a bad person, but she's incredibly relaxed and laid back. She lives for the day and doesn't think about the future. She also doesn't like to talk about her son's potential health problems, and perhaps for good reason given how ill he was as a baby.

It's an incredibly anxious time for all of us, and this situation is tearing my partner up. He actually cried today thinking about the end of restrictions tomorrow.

Ahh welcome to the Sm board where you are dammed either way.You sound lovely and like you really care for this little boy

Sadly you can't do anything, just keep him safe when DP has him. I wish I had a better answer but the only one who has standing to challenge this is your DH.

If it helps I suspect we will have another lockdown come the autumn.
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I dont think the OP is getting any responses where she is damned ‘either way’ as a SM. This is a rubbish situation as a result of covid. One parent clearly feels one way about the risks to the child. The other feels another way.

Aside from us piling in with our personal views re this situation (which helps no one), the reality is that it’s a situation where the OP or her DH really can do very little unless the DH decides he feels strongly enough to force this issue in front of a Judge. Which is the only route available to any separated parents with PR if they cannot reach agreements regarding childcare arrangements/ contact/ medical situations/ education etc.

I know next to nothing about family court jurisdiction in this area. But if your DH feels this strongly then why is he not putting in an application to the family court? If I genuinely thought the actions of my exh could result in the death of my children, I wouldn’t just be sat at home crying - I’d be doing everything possible to protect my child.

What’s he going to do re the vaccinations for his child? Has he even raised that with his ex?
Is she going to agree or refuse to give consent?
Again, this may be something he needs to take to court.

Op you don't sound cold at all. Some people like to put step mums down so much that when they can't find anything wrong in the post they invent something so they can stick the boot in.

It sounds like an incredibly tough situation for you and your partner. However, from today there are no legal restrictions and your step sons mum has the right to take her child where she sees fit and I'm not surprised that she said no to giving you more contact when it's already 50/50. I doubt your partner would have agreed to giving her more if she thought that his attitude to covid was causing his son mental health issues.

Perhaps your partner could do with talking through his anxiety with someone. He will need to learn to live with this as Covid isn't going anywhere and he can't keep his son locked up forever.

My partner has briefly spoken to a lawyer, but the lawyer said that a judge would be unlikely to give him more time in this situation.

Nobody knows what effect COVID will have on my stepson, so we don't yet have any data to back up our argument sadly.

My step son doesn't know any of this, and we've decided not to tell him. The mother does know our concerns though.

Unless neither of you work, the child doesn't go to school, or otherwise evereave the house, I don't think that you are necessarily protecting him. I understand your concerns, but they are not necessarily reasonable, or sustainable. You will not be awarded custody on the basis you've stated here- and she could even try to pose the argument that mentally he is suggesting more due to the fear your partner has. This is one, sadly, you will not win.

You simply aren't going to get more custody than 50/50 - it's either that or full residence, and she would have to be posing an extremely significant safeguarding risk for them to change residence.
Whilst I understand your concern, you need to let this one go.