Summer Holiday Survival Tips

[TwoBulletsFiveZombies]

My stepdaughters (5 and 11) are mostly lovely and we have a good relationship, but they are very full on (won't entertain themselves, follow me from room to room, create a permanent whirlwind of mess and noise).

We have them 50% and are also booked for a full week away in a very little caravan

Having just had a bit of a nightmare weekend of bickering and attitude from both of them, I'm looking for survival tips for the looming summer holidays. Hit me with your best ones please!!

My tips would be that you will get bickering, attitude, mess, and little peace with 2 sisters.
Have some back up activities to keep them occupied ( crafts etc) and make sure your partner is fully engaged and takes them off for a walk/ to the park as necessary to let you have down time if needed.

I'd be inclined to get the 11yo to learn to entertain herself. She's certainly old enough.

Take time out during their time with you to do things for yourself like meeting friends, gym, walking etc.

Do you have DC of your own? If so, take time out with them.

I don't have my own DC @MorningNinja , but do plan things for me to be doing when they're here, i.e. out with friends for a few hours. I like my personal space, and it's the only way I get any. Problem is, my partner does leave them to entertain themselves, and by the time I get back they're bored out of their heads and I get bombarded. The 11 year old has even started to monitor my time i.e. where have I been, how long will I be, who spends 4 hours at a cafe etc. I know she just likes spending time with me but, seriously, I get enough of that shit from my actual boss

To help with the mess, I've just had a big declutter of a lot of their stuff (with permission from my DP) - not to punish, they just had so so much of it and I think they found it overwhelming and impossible to keep tidy. Anything very messy like paints, sand etc. has been put away and they'll have to ask if they want to play with it, things can be rotated etc.

You really need to accept that this is how little girls are.

It sounds like your DP needs to be more involved with his DC. Yes, kids need to be occupied but your DP needs to be the main instigator in this. I'd be talking with him more about doing this.

Don't feel guilty of getting your own time - you need this for your own sanity.

Agree @MorningNinja DP does need to actively parent more. I'll be having the conversation with him about that before we go away.

It's worth noting that I deal with them separately much better, i.e. I take the little one to the park alone or the older one for lunch. No problems at all with that, and they seem happier and more relaxed in that situation too, so I can try and do more of that. It gives them a break from each other and I can give them my full attention.

I love my dsds dearly but there's not a chance in hell I would want to spend a week in a caravan with no separate bedroom. I urge you to take a small tent with you where you and your partner or the dsds sleep.

My honest advice would be don’t do it.

I’ve been on 4 holidays with the SC and never ever again.

My SC can’t entertain themselves, one is an extremely a fussy eater (we are talking walking around circa 20 restaurants in Portugal because there is not one thing on the menu she will eat), one usually feigns an illness at the slightest hint their dad & I will have 30 mins alone and you won’t get a minute to yourself. Only parents can put up with this shit.

Good luck.

There is a book called "destroy this book" or something similar. It is great for rainy days stuck inside with bored stepchildren.

(Hopefully it won't rain)

Wreck this Journal

My parents used to book me and my brother in for a non-negotiable "kids activity" one day or evening when we were on holiday! Gave them a sanity break, which in retrospect must have been much needed. Depends where you are going though....

Also if we are camping together I use my toddler as an excuse to schedule a daytime for DP and DSC to go off and do their thing, and leave me a few glorious hours of quiet. I'd be talking to your partner now about planning this, and be upfront with him about why - they are his DC and he should be grateful for how much you do 1:1 with them already. You sound like a very dedicated SM but my goodness what you describe sounds claustrophobic. My DSC used to be like this but with DP, they never left him alone and wanted to hold his hand, sit on him and follow him around all day. They did grow out of it. We could basically not sit next to each other or have a chat without DSS1 leaping in the middle of us, because it wasn't about him. Toddler has taken up the baton now

If you want my advice you'll leave your partner and his kids to their caravan holiday and book yourself into a posh spa. Oh, and leave him to parent them. I can't imagine my stepkids asking where I've been/going or how long I'll be. Sounds like they rely on you too much because their dad doesn't actually parent.

Your DP is the problem here. If he was parenting and playing with his DC then they wouldn't be looking to you to act as their entertainer.

If he was clearing up after his children (or teaching them to) you wouldn't have to.

They have obviously learnt through bitter experience to have zero expectations from him, so that's why they want to know your every move as you will actually engage with them.

At least you know your DP is a shit Dad now and you don't actually have any kids of your own with him.

I'd leave them to their "holiday" whilst you do something enjoyable which doesn't mean you picking up your lazy partner's slack.

Are you going to be on a camp site? If so the children will likely make friends easily and you will hardly see them (and be permanently stressed about where they are)
Fingers crossed for camping weather!

Ah I hoped this would make me feel better and more prepared but I'm more anxious over it that before. I'm fairly committed to going now.

I'm going to lay out expectations to all of them, about what needs to happen on this holiday (tidying up own mess, a bit of alone time for me) and if they can't give me assurances that it will happen then I'll drive up in my own car so I have the option to come home if it all gets too much.

I'm going to do a scavenger hunt which will hopefully keep them busy for an hour or two, and take where's wally books, board games, iPads etc. There's an onsite park. Any other ideas for a short spell of peace are welcome.

Seriously, Wreck This Journal saved a rainy Bank Holiday away for me! Oh and there's a book called Never Get Bored Book I'm going to get for holidays this year.

Thanks @MouldyPotato I’ve ordered one from Amazon

@FindingMeno

You really need to accept that this is how little girls are

Eh? Not in my experience! I say that as a mother it an 11 year old girl and years as a SM to two girls now aged 12 & 16!

I would drive up in your own car anyways, we all know assurances mean nothing a few days later and if you haven't got your own car to drive back home then you won't be able to carry out what you have said ref going home early.
Also I would be looking at the relationship long term, holidays will allways be like this and any weekends away or days out with the kids, if they annoy you it won't be healthy for the relationship, also telling you dp how he should be parenting his children is a no no, he should be able to do that by himself, that's a tell tale sign that your parenting methods are different and would not work of you had your own children one day.
Good luck in what ever you decide to do if you try and make it work for yourself