Moving in with partner that has no kids

[OhSoVintage]

So this is our situation:

Me:

-Im studying for my masters so can only work part time teaching. I earn 1/4th of my partners wages
-I get child tax credit and working tax credit
-I rent out a room in my home
-I have no mortgage but high bills including things like masters costs that my student loan does not cover
-I get child maintenance from my ex
-I have one daughter that lives with me of 14 and one of 21 that lives away from home and is financially independent.

So this is my partners situation:

-Has house with mortgage
-Will rent house to cover mortgage and a little extra

• no kids
• earns 4 times my earnings

Now here’s the thing:

My partner wants to move in and have a shared situation in terms of a joint account for bills 50/50 and our own money for income and spending kept separate as is.. However I will loose tax credits obviously and my already tight income will go down quite notably.

I know this will be countered by my partners earnings but if we are keeping it separate I feel like I am going to be in a venerable situation where I’m broke and she is in a better situation.

Thing is we spend most of our time together, my daughter gets on really well with her. We love each other to bits etc.

But we have both been in difficult relationships in the past and both taken a lot to build up independence. I was in a relationship what was abusive and so loosing control is something that really scares me.

Im just wondering how people approached finance in similar situations. Where the partner moving in doesn’t have a child and single parent support is lost but you can’t expect the new partner to be financially responsible.

Part of me if wondering if I wait two years till after my masters (two years) but on the flip side we are ready in all other ways and running two households is difficult as well financially.

Just want to thank you all for your advice. We both agreed to put the plug on in a little longer and wait a while.
But we have decided to sit down with our finances and write it all out. I think we are both very scared of loosing independence but at the same time we want to be a family and share each other’s lives.

We have just worked so hard to build up independence and feel conflicted about what we want with loosing that.

I finish my masters in under two years time, it’s going to take a good 4/5 months to get my parents place ready to rent and my lodger is here until next July now anyway.
If we do it next year, my final year is mostly work based and I might be in a different position financially.

Thank you for the advice, sometimes it’s difficult to see the logic when your emotionally invested.

Thank you also a few of you for wading in to correct the terminology. It is indeed a same sex relationship and assumptions are not helpful!

Partners not parents :)

Really glad you were able to come up with a plan you are both happy with.

Not being "financially ready" should bring living together to a halt. Not only will you be left in a vulnerable position if it does not work out; you will not be dependent upon the whims and generosity of your partner as you are working through the living together adjustments.

2 years is not a long time to wait to live together particularly for 2 mature adults. There is little that you cannot do while LAT that you could do living together.

At this stage of your life, I would not choose to live with anyone until I had completed my studies and become financially independent in my own right.