How to approach partners daughter

[Gillseybear]

Hey all,

I am hoping you can help and possibly give some advice. It's probably to soon for this to even become a thing but it still plays on my mind.
My partner has a nine year old daughter and I am unsure about how to approach that relationship. She doesn't live very close to where we are and am pretty certain he has not told her about me yet (only been together a few months) Just super nervous as I had an awful step parent when I was growing up and I do not have any children of my own so just unsure how to approach the situation. I do have a big family with lots of cousins, nieces and nephews whom I am used to being around. However, this just feels like something completely different and I have no idea how to approach this situation.

I have mentioned it to my partner and he tells me no to worry so much but it still plays on my mind an awful lot.

I’m not sure what you mean by how to approach it? What are you concerned about?
How would you approach meeting any other child, like a colleague’s child for example?

It really is no different in the early stages. Just be polite and welcoming, do not try to see yourself as anything important to the child or part of their family for example. For a long time you’re essentially just their dad’s friend so act as you would with your friend’s children.

That’s all there is to it really

Thank you very much for your advice

Just act like a friend!

I think you should let your partner take the lead here. You are nowhere near in stepmother territory yet. Just be pleasant and friendly.

My advice would be try not to over think it. Like others have said be warm and kind and treat her the way you would any other nine year old. Follow you partners lead in term of introduction ect.
My DSS was a bit younger when we first met. We started with just a couple of days out. This is dads friend type of thing. I was also used to similiar ages kids so just played with him.
I am so sorry you had an unpleasant step parent but it doesnt translate to all step parents. Over the long term if the relationship gets more serious focus on being the fun aunt type person. At 9 shes heading towards teenage years and already has parents to guide her. Aim to be a positive influence but not really a parent.
With DSS I focus on the things I enjoy doing with him ( hes also 9). We play board games together, bake and go for hike. These are things we do together ( ie. With dad, well not the baking part) but also dad goes and plays sports ect so they have quality time.

@Aimee1987

My advice would be try not to over think it. Like others have said be warm and kind and treat her the way you would any other nine year old. Follow you partners lead in term of introduction ect. My DSS was a bit younger when we first met. We started with just a couple of days out. This is dads friend type of thing. I was also used to similiar ages kids so just played with him. I am so sorry you had an unpleasant step parent but it doesnt translate to all step parents. Over the long term if the relationship gets more serious focus on being the fun aunt type person. At 9 shes heading towards teenage years and already has parents to guide her. Aim to be a positive influence but not really a parent. With DSS I focus on the things I enjoy doing with him ( hes also 9). We play board games together, bake and go for hike. These are things we do together ( ie. With dad, well not the baking part) but also dad goes and plays sports ect so they have quality time.

Thank you ever so much. That was what I thought but it's just super scary at the same time. It's just a reassurance thing as I do not want to mess it up

Don’t try and be her parent. Imagine she’s a niece, or your friend’s child :)