Sick step child

[PotNoodler]

If a dc is ill (cough/cold) and going to fathers house for contact means putting several adults/children at risk of getting it, should child still go? Taking into account if others catch it, they will most likely have to sort covid tests etc out.

You can line up people with pitchforks on either side. The mum is being a twat or the dad. It doesn't matter. What does matter is the adults finding a solution. Ultimately you can't force anyone to take children even their other parent.

Would not send my DC to Dad if they were ill.

However, Ex has no issue with dumping the dCS back with me if they get ill on his time. The concept being that I take time off to look after sick kids - not him!

Different point of view here, talking from the child’s perspective, when I was a kid and under the weather I would prefer to stay where I was and not be moved about, (parents divorced when I was 9) the other parent would then spend time on a different day to make up for it, maybe ask the child what they would prefer to do?

I have never sent my kids to their dad's house ill, he wouldn't want to deal with it anyway. However, he has quite happily announced after they have arrived at his house for the weekend that their younger sister has a sick bug, resulting in both of them having to miss several days of school (yr 11) and college when they then came down with it a couple of days later. I then subsequently caught it from them, and missed two days of work, even more crap as I am self employed, so no work = no wage. Selfish, selfish twat that he is.

I think anything that school needs to be missed for sdc shouldn't come over and I wouldn't send my dc to their dads either. I would also expect dh to inform dss dm if either of my dc were ill so she could make that decision of whether dss comes over or not.

I hate sick bugs, I have extreme anxiety over them. Dh agreed that if dss was already sick he wouldn't come over and spread it. I also don't think its fair if dss is sick to spend 30mins travelling to ours either when he needs to be in bed.

It's the cough that makes this different even if the child had a negative pcr test and the household are doing lateral flow tests if my children or myself caught it and had a cough we would have to stay home from work and school and seek a PCR test and not go back until the results. For me that would also mean a hold on my antenatal appointments at 35 weeks pregnant and isolation for the household until the results come in. You cant say oh I have a cough 'but I know it's not covid' without a pcr test result a lateral flow is not counted where you have a symptom. A cough ofc being a symptom. I think for that reason I would explain tk my exh and then keep my child home as the impact could be huge. My dad's mother would still send her with no heads up but the ramifications for our household could be huge so I'd prefer to know in advance to make that call for my household myself.

*DSDs mother not dad's

If the dad isn’t keen and you don’t work, why would you send your child and put others at risk?? Surely you would prefer to have your child home with you anyway??

If my DC were properly ill as in ‘day off school’ type of I wouldn’t have sent them to their dad’s. But then that’s because I work at home anyway so them being here wasn’t a huge inconvenience in fact I sometimes forgot they were here until they text me downstairs asking what’s for lunch

I’m the case of something like covid then they definitely shouldn’t be going anywhere unnecessarily. I know that moving between homes was considered ok during lockdown but where there are potential symptoms I’d definitely avoid moving them. However with a regular cough/cold, it’s up to the adults concerned to make a call - and importantly I’d ask the child if they’d prefer to be home in their own bed or whether they’d prefer to get to see the other parent (caveat being if they’re old enough and sensible enough to wash hands and try and keep their germs to themselves as much as possible). Nobody wants to catch a cough or cold at the best of times but it’s unavoidable, it feels especially so now that we’re all mingling again, it seems like when they first start school and catch every sniffle going!

Has anyone asked the child what they want to do?

If I was ill as a child I didn't want to go anywhere but my bed or sofa.

If a child has a cough or cold and is going to his other home that should not be problematic. It is not as though he is going about visiting random people.

Kids who attend school are routinely exposed to other children with coughs and colds and as a matter of routine practice bring that exposure into their households.

This is a pervasive part of societal exposure. Both parents should be aware of both routine and serious illnesses and be prepared to deal with both types of situations.

I doubt that many people who do not want the children to come over when they have coughs and colds would be equally adamant in their need to keep the children should the cough or cold develop while the child is in their home/custody.

@Tiredoftattlert the moment a cough or cold could lead to a parent or step parent needing to isolate unpaid which would have a knock on effect for the child. I don't think it's as simple as not wanting to deal with an I'll child for the many families who have to work outside the home or not get paid. Not everyone is working at home at the moment and not everyone gets sick pay for isolating.

@tiredoftattler it's not about not wanting to spend time with the child the OP says the child has a cough - yes it is unlikely to be covid but the world we live in now means if myself, my partner or my children developed a cough we would be isolating, my DC could then not visit their dad etc all while we waited for pcr test results. If my dsd developed a cough here I would keep her yes as the household would still have to isolate. We all have to be sensible with the times we live in. I cannot go to work and my children cannot go to school with a cough (you cannot say well its okay I know it's not covid and just a cold as unfortunately we do not know that do we and the majority of schools and employers will want to see a negative pcr test before you return) it's all about what @kyliekoko says I am working outside the home as a keyworker as is my DP we do not work from home.

Please ask the other family and explain the child has a cough also ask the child. In my experience mine when smaller never wanted to go to their dad's when poorly preferring tonstay in their own rooms/beds and with mum.

Does your child want to go? All too often kids are seen as a business transaction post divorce without considering how they actually feel.

If it was my child and I wasn't working, I'd prefer them to stay with me, unless they really wanted to go to dad's house.

@SandyY2K

Does your child want to go? All too often kids are seen as a business transaction post divorce without considering how they actually feel.

If it was my child and I wasn't working, I'd prefer them to stay with me, unless they really wanted to go to dad's house.

I agree, if the child is unwell their wants should come first if they can.

It goes both ways too. I was waiting for covid test results this weekend so they didn't come as planned as it didn't seem right to potentially pass it into their household and school when we didn't need to. They'll come over in the week instead. Would any resident parent here send their child to their dads if someone in that household had a cough at the moment?