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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

DSS can not entertain himself

59 replies

yellowwballoonn · 23/06/2021 11:09

I have a DSS10 who is with us nearly 50/50. Lovely child, normal moments of stubbornness but I get on pretty well with him.

The one thing I am struggling with (and I know DP is too) is that DSS can not entertain himself at all. He needs DP with him to watch a film, to play computer, to play a board game etc, so when he is here DP doesn't get a minutes rest. If DP tries to do something else for a while (even if it's like check the news) DSS will sit there and say 'I'm bored', over and over.

I don't tend to get involved (although I get very tired watching it/listening to it!), but lately DP is finding it hard. I've subtlety said to him that maybe he shouldn't give in every time, but he does, so yet it continues. I have DC too and although DSS gets on with them and will play with them, he will moan unless DP is playing too.

Does anyone else have a child that can not amuse themselves? And if so, how have you tackled it?

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Original poster

yellowwballoonn · 23/06/2021 18:18

@Magda72 Yes I think there is probably a bit more gaming than there should be!

OP posts:

RaininSummer · 23/06/2021 18:28

I think the problem is that he has no interests , nothing which absorbs him. I am of the generation when tv and gadgets weren't a thing so it was a case of finding entertainment myself or being given a duster and Mr Sheen if I sighed with boredom. I find it sad. Have you asked him why he doesn't want to do anything to amuse himself?

Original poster

yellowwballoonn · 23/06/2021 19:24

@RaininSummer Yes and his answer is just that he wants DP to play with him.

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MadMadMadamMim · 23/06/2021 19:29

I guess what's prompted me to post on here was I was struggling with a huge work related headache last night, DP was playing a board game with DSS and my youngest DC (for over an hour), and the minute it finished DSS started up. My DC went off and grabbed his iPad, whereas DSS sat there and said 'I'm bored' repeatedly (I mean every 30 seconds!), until DP stopped what he'd got up to do and started playing with him again.

At this point it's bedtime! Anyone who whinges over and over that they are bored needs to be told either to find something to do, or be sent to bed as they are clearly overtired.

It's toddler behaviour and he needs to stop it. But, as others have said, as long as DH is entertaining it he'll keep doing it.

Original poster

yellowwballoonn · 23/06/2021 19:42

It's a hard one as I don't generally get involved with DP's parenting of DSS, that's not my role. I'm here if he wants to spend time with me, I make him food, I chat to him. However, it's starting to grind me down and to be honest I'm worried about our holiday.

OP posts:

Original poster

yellowwballoonn · 23/06/2021 19:44

@theemmadilemma No he has a 3 year old sibling on his Mum's side.

OP posts:

theemmadilemma · 23/06/2021 19:55

Right, but none close in age.

You're DP has to address this for his sons sake. What @Magda72 said should concern him. Pain now for long term benefit.

Tiredoftattler · 24/06/2021 00:52

OP, is it possible that the child is just having problems finding a niche or place in a home where he spends roughly half of his time with 4 other people and yet his only connection biological or otherwise is one to one of those people?

He is just 10 years old , and it may not be so atypical that he clings to the one person with whom he has a connection.

Magda72 · 24/06/2021 10:49

@Tiredoftattler I would argue that is part of it but certainly not all of it. In my experience this will be a combination of personality, dad's refusal to put in boundaries, the knowledge that this behaviour is garnering him attention AND the wish to have dad's full attention.
In the case of my friend and her son - her son's behaviour got him loads of adult attention when he was growing up and took attention off his younger brother who had a far more easy going personality. These 'boys' are now 25 & 27 & the 27 year old this Christmas demanded his younger brother not be in the parental home over Christmas as the 27 year old didn't want to get covid from him & have his Christmas with HIS parents ruined! Never mind that the 25 year old had been isolating with his gf. My friend yet again gave in because they couldn't face a family row over Chrismas.
In the case of exdp his middle guy is a more relaxed personality & displays little of this behaviour whereas his other two are clinging like limpets because it gets them attention - a behaviour that was established very early on.
My own eldest also had this tendency & honesty if it is not nipped in the bud it can dominate entire households & is very bad for the individual themselves.
10 is too old to be carrying on like this (without there being SN present) - needing cuddles & some extra reassurance, yes. But demanding a parents full attention constantly is not 'normal'.

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