Advice on how to tell the children we are expecting a baby

[Bathazar]

We recently found out I am expecting, and now we are thinking about how to tell our 2 children. DH has a 10yo and I have an 8yo from previous relationships and they both spend their time split between our home and their mum/dad. We have a great relationship with each others children and the kids get on well too. We all function well as a family.

From what I've read on Google search its best to tell them together and create a "united front" and I've read some other bits and pieces...but I'd love to hear some real stories and advice on anyone who has experienced this IRL.

We have brought up the subject of babies in the last month or so and the kids actually don't seem adverse to the idea but I am not naive and know that the reality may be a lot different. I don't want them to feel pushed out, so I know a lot of reassurance will be needed.

If anyone is around to chat to me about it I'd be really grateful.

Let them know it's ok if they feel a bit weird about it or aren't sure how to feel. You will know your child best.

Do you have times when you have one child but not the other? It might be an idea if the child gets some one on one time with their parent after to answer any questions they might feel awkward about asking in front of the other one.

Be prepared for them to feel upset but their feelings will change and when baby is here it will all be different to the idea of baby.

Tell the exes after you've told the children but before they go back to theirs so they know you've told the parent.

Thank you purple, good advice. Yes both kids have days where they are on their own with us. I spend a fair amount of time with mine at bedtimes when we have our special alone time and chats so we can talk then. DP spends alone time with his dc doing a sport out of the house.

Really good point about making it clear its okay / natural to feel icky or whatever about it and that we still love them

Telling the ex's...very good point, and something we will do so that the kids don't have to have the responsibility.

Anyone else?

I would have thought it depends largely on the temperament of the children and how you think they are likely to react. We just told my DSS, as good news. He was excited, and there were no major issues. He doesn't have any other siblings spare another kid to play with was naturally a good thing. Are you expecting them to react badly?

Please remember it is good news and to be celebrated... None of this but you dsc will always be special and the pfb shite... All dc equally appreciated!!

I'm not expecting them to react badly really. My dc can be sensitive. I am just worrying needlessly probably. I read a thread on here a while ago where the OP didn't get the reaction she expected from her children and step children, and I am overthinking it. I was hoping to hear some positive experiences maybe

We are really excited to tell them the news and we want them to be as happy as we are. Think I'm just focusing on that could go wrong...I'd hate it if they were unhappy with the news

Please remember it is good news and to be celebrated... None of this but you dsc will always be special and the pfb shite... All dc equally appreciated!!

Totally agree! No need to sound apologetic about anything.

It's good to consider that they might be upset about it and want to talk about it, but it's not a given that they will be, my DSS loved that he was getting a sibling!

I really hope they are happy!! You just never know with kids (especially my dc...never can tell)

You know your kids best. For my youngest SDC it was a big thing as she would no longer be the baby. She wasn't really sure how to take it. The other loved the idea. Just don't to in all confetti cannon if you think there's any chance they might need to warm to the idea.

Thank you all x

Agree - it’s positive news and should be celebrated. As long as it’s done in a kind and positive manner.

Best of luck

We both chose to tell our children separately so that they felt able to comfortably express any emotions.

Good luck! It went well for us, they all dote on our DC.

Congratulations! I think it’s important to let them know that it’s ok for them to come and talk to you about any worries they have at any time. Because while their first reaction may be positive, when they have thought about it, they have some different thoughts and concerns.

And at the moment it will be abstract for the DC. When you’re 7 months pregnant, there’ll be visible proof it’s happening!

Congratulations. If it helps we raised potentially us having a baby with SD because she kicked off massively when it was on cards with DH and the ex for some mad reason. That may have been a age thing though as she was 5. She's 12 now and after a bit of silence she said she approved and we could have a baby 😅
Said with completely deadpan face as well bless her. She's quite dry in her humour and I think she liked thought we were asking her thoughts on it.

She then unprompted and begrudgingly told DH that she's very fond of me and that was that.

I also explained due to my unfortunate situation that if we did get a baby I may miscarry so to not get too excited (v top level stuff as she asked about my previous losses) and she asked ok so if that happens shall I bring you chocolate and my heart just melted a tad.

I was incredibly nervous about broaching the subject tbh. Needless to say it went well. I don't know how she would take the reality of it but she's pretty chilled usually.

Frame it as a positive xxx good luck and keep us posted