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Step-parenting

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not sure if this is the right place but...

2 replies

JackJacksmummy · 21/11/2007 11:36

Long story so i'll start from the beginning...

I fell pregnant with my daughter (now 7) when i was 18, her biological father and i had split up before i found out i was pregnant, when i did find out i told him but he didn't want to know, his then girlfriend at the time even threatened to punch me in the stomach(!).

He split up with her 2 months before my DD was born and wanted to be involved with our child. He was there when she was born.

When she was about 4 months old he got himself another girlfriend and came round less often to see her - about every 6 weeks and fizzled out to nothing.

By the time she was a year old i decided to give him one last chance to make amends and to start seeing her again on the condition that he stuck to it because it was becoming confusing for her and she wasn't really getting to know him at all. Again he came to see her weekly for about 4 months but then stopped again for 6 weeks (co-incided with another girlfriend)

When he did get in contact i told him that was it and he'd had his chance.

I met my partner when she was 16 months old and she now calls him her daddy as he has bought her up as his own.

She is aware she has a biological father but isn't too interested in meeting him, or if she is she hasn't said she is.

Recently i have been in contact with my ex and found out that he has since had another baby with his wife of 2 years but sadly she died in march at 6 months old after a choking accident (very sad). I speak to him daily on MSN and we have spoken about him meeting my DD at some point in the future but we have said to take it slowly because we want it to be for the right reasons and not to find someone to fill the void left by his DD.

My problem is my now partner, does not know we are in contact and i'm not sure he will be entirely happy with it but i have always said that when my DD was 7-8 i would be honest with her and start letting her know the facts before she became too old to rebel against me and my partner.

Her biological father seems to have changed his ways and i am willing to give him another chance at some point in the future when the time is right to start building a relationship with my DD.

Has anybody got any advise about where i go from here?

OP posts:
Hassled · 21/11/2007 11:44

I think you need a frank, but maybe not-completely-full, discussion with your current partner about the contact with the ex asap. If my partner was suddenly in daily contact with his ex via MSN I wouldn't be exactly delighted about it. Is there anything you're not telling us? Assuming there are no budding romantics with the ex, maybe downplay the amount of contact you've had with him, but you have to tell your DP that there has been contact and be honest about who started the contact.
It's going to be very hard for him to deal with DD meeting her biological father after all this time, and he will need a lot of reassurance from you, and you need to start dealing with that part before you go onto talking to your DD.

JackJacksmummy · 21/11/2007 12:38

oh god no - definitely not going back there, I am very happy with my partner and and have 2 boys that are his.

Thanks for the advice though, i do know i need to speak to him and sooner rather than later.

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