Hey.
Long backstory to all of this so I will try to be brief and factual, but also a little vague as don't want to give us away.
Have been with DP now for over 5 years.
Getting married in the next 6 months.
We both have kids from previous marriages.
DP moved in with me and my kids a few years ago, and his kids visit us/stay with us. To say his breakup and the ensuing access arrangements have been difficult would be an understatement. Lots of problems. Lots of lashing out from his ex. It's been more settled over the last 2 years.
We only have his kids when she's at work, she doesn't want him to have them at any other times. So it varies depending on her shifts. But there is usually one sleepover a week and instead of two sleepovers, he takes them home and puts them to bed at hers then waits for her.
Currently, we live an hour away from them. It has always been difficult being far away, because of the nature of the access. Its been common that he's had to go fetch them at 6am and regularly stays late there.
Recently he had some dire health problems which has left him with long term illness. It means he has chronic fatigue. It's a factor in day to day life.
I've got a couple of teens and all his are under 12. My house is quite small. The kids get on , but as everyone has got older it's been harder to accommodate them.
We are in social housing and have been offered a bigger place after years of waiting, but it is in the same town as his ex/kids.
Initially, I thought it would be great. It's closer my one of my kids schools. And it's a nice town.
My ex/father of my kids lives in the other town that's closer which is a bigger no-no because of ongoing problems which is more of a safeguarding issue than a "he's my ex" issue.
Initially, DP was really into the idea but he's suddenly got cold feet. He's worried about boundaries.
Most of the kids have additional needs. His ex can be difficult due to MH problems, which doesn't make boundary enforcement easy. And there can be times when she is overly controlling about some stuff. (I'm not trying to be unkind, there's a lot to it, I get on fairly well with her and we've always tried to be amicable with each other)
WWYD? The chances of another bigger house coming up in the right area are almost zero. This is the first one we've been offered in 4 years.
Years ago our plan had been to attempt to move closer to his kids to make life easier, but avoid the exes. We've since realised this is almost impossible as frankly, on social housing you can't be picky (which is fair!)
We've looked into private renting etc, but it's so expensive and with all the extra needs of the kids and his health, it's impossible for us to both work FT.