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Step-parenting

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Original poster

What legal protections do I need in place as a step mum in a property

26 replies

Harpergirl166 · 04/06/2021 13:29

Hi there,

I have a question I need answers too hopefully someone has been on my position.

Me and my partner are unmarried , we plan on buying a house together soon. We want to have children in the future and marriage is on the cards. My partner has two children from previous relationship. I want to buy a house together but I have been clear I will not put myself in a vulnerable position e.g what if my partner has an accident etc would I automatically have to sell my house to give half to his children / ex as the children are minors ?
If I were to pass I would have in my will the house goes 100% to him. Last thing I'd want is the grief then trauma of losing your home. Plus life insurance covers it ( that's what it's for)

Due to being unmarried and the fact my partner has kids this makes things more complex. What do I need in place so its fair ?

When we have kids our plan would be my half of the house goes to them , upon death of my partner and then his half is split three ways upon his death or after both of us has gone. Essentially we don't want to have any one take away our house if the unthinkable happens and one of us passes away.

So question is am I too vulnerable buying a house with him unmarried ? Can this be done ?

OP posts:
lunar1 · 04/06/2021 13:38

He needs to protect both you and his children. Personally I wouldn't do this unmarried, but if you are then he needs decent life assurance.

He can't have you lose your home if the worst happens, but at the same time nobody should rely on a step parent honouring an agreement to pass on his half of their assets in their own will. It goes wrong too often.

Pyewackect · 04/06/2021 13:41

Go and see a solicitor.

SomeCatsLikeCheese · 04/06/2021 13:44

You can own the property as tenants in common and make wills stating who your share goes to upon your death, eg he could leave his share to his children but leave you a life interest in the house, ie they would only inherit it when you died or sold the property, they couldn’t make you homeless to claim their share. But you absolutely need proper legal advice, especially if unmarried.

reallyreallyborednow · 04/06/2021 13:50

You need a solicitor.

Make sure you buy the house as tennants in common as pp said. Then he can leave his share between his children, and you can leave yours to yours. So say you have another 2 children, your mutual children will get 75% between them, his children will get the other 25%.

To stop the house from being sold you leave a life interest to the surviving partner. This means the house cannot be sold until the survivor also dies. If it is sold prior- to downsize for example, you can use the money to buy somewhere else. If the new purchase is cheaper, the outstanding balance is given to the children according to the terms of the will.

UpTheJunktion · 04/06/2021 13:51

As a mum of family-age, with a young child, my Will would NOT leave my share of the house to him, but would give him ‘life interest’ to live in it until his own death, when my children would inherit it.

I know so many people whose fathers married younger women after the death of their mother, the father left all to his new wife, who m, guess what? Did not leave anything to his first children.

It happens time and time again.

You both need to sort your wills to leave your own assets to your own children but with the surviving partner allowed to remain in the house.

Tower134 · 04/06/2021 13:58

So you need to take legal advice on this.

You could buy a property as joint tenants, which means you both own the property. If one of you dies the property goes to the other. Then when they die they can leave it to whoever they want. Issue is if you separate in future? Would you be happy with 50/50 split? That might seem fair now, but what if you've had kids and you aren't earning as much/can't afford to rehouse.

The problem with wills is they can be changed. So you partner could make a will giving you a life time interest in the property, but he could change that at any time (and don't say "that would never happen", because people do).

Bibidy · 04/06/2021 14:22

I am interested in this too as this could be my situation, although we may marry before it comes up.

I know life insurance is key from your DP's side as if something did happen to him I think that would pay out for the kids if they are minors, so his ex wouldn't be able to come after your house for child support.

As for inheritance I guess the easiest thing is to do as others have said and do tenants in common so you both own x% of the house and can leave it as you wish, with a life interest for your partner going both ways.

Maybe83 · 04/06/2021 17:14

He has other options than providing the house as inheritance.

You can buy as joint tenants and leave the house to each other before you have your own children. He can have a mortgage protection policy to pay the mortgage in the event of his death. If you buy as joint tenants then his half automatically goes to you.

He can then have a seperate life insurance policy for a cash payment to his children.

We have a house but also seperate life policies that pay out to each other and split amongst the children on our death.

titchy · 04/06/2021 17:23

Buy as joint tenant rather than tenant in common. That way if either of you die the house automatically passes to the other WITHOUT FORMING PART OF THE ESTATE. This is critical as being unmarried you'll have no IHT threshold to pass to the survivor - so the house wouldn't have to be sold to pay a tax bill. Your dp should take out life insurance in favour of the mother of his children to the value of the loss of child support she would experience. Otherwise she'd have a claim if they weren't catered for. I'd also suggest life insurance for his kids, and you so you can pay his share of the mortgage.

Youseethethingis · 04/06/2021 19:22

We have it set up 50/50 tenants in common and if he does his half comes to me. Life insurance is in place to cover DSD.
In terms of pound notes, DSD actually comes out ahead of DS if DH dies but my priority was to secure our home.
We will look at the set up again when DSD turns 18 and the life insurance no longer covers her and DH will have made some meaningful contributions to our equity (I put in 100% of the deposit).

Hsjdb7483939 · 04/06/2021 19:41

Surely on either of your deaths the house just goes to the other one snd you trust each other to follow through on each of your wishes? DH and I have in our wills that if we were both to die at the same time then my half goes to our two DC and his half goes three ways between our DC and DSD but the liklihood of us both dying at once is low so I trust him. If he died and his half of the house went to the DC that would cause problems as I wouldn’t be expecting to sell the house to give them this.
I think you just need to speak to a solicitor about it though

Bibidy · 04/06/2021 20:04

@Hsjdb7483939

Surely on either of your deaths the house just goes to the other one snd you trust each other to follow through on each of your wishes? DH and I have in our wills that if we were both to die at the same time then my half goes to our two DC and his half goes three ways between our DC and DSD but the liklihood of us both dying at once is low so I trust him. If he died and his half of the house went to the DC that would cause problems as I wouldn’t be expecting to sell the house to give them this. I think you just need to speak to a solicitor about it though
This is such a risky approach though.

Say - god forbid - OP's DH dies young and OP goes on to marry again. Or even stay single, whatever. She likely would have no/little relationship with her former stepchildren....is she really going to leave a load of money to them when she dies instead of her own children? Doubt it.

I think parents really need to be very careful when thinking about things like this, and ditto new partners (of which I am one!) so that they don't lose their homes if anything happens to their DP while the kids are minors. It's such a complicated situation and everyone needs to be properly protected.

reallyreallyborednow · 04/06/2021 20:11

If he died and his half of the house went to the DC that would cause problems as I wouldn’t be expecting to sell the house to give them this

This is why you leave a life interest so the surviving partner can remain, and the house can’t be sold until they no longer need it.

How would you feel if you died, your dh remarried, and “trusted” his new wife to follow out your wishes to leave half the house to your dc? Do you really think that is likely?

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 04/06/2021 20:11

Anyone who trusts their partner to honour their wishes should Google what happened to Linda Bellingham's estate. It went to her husband and he then changed his will to disinherit her children.

I am the sole owner of my house, with my own children. DH has a life interest in the property but that is all. It will be the children who inherit.

Bibidy · 04/06/2021 21:39

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

Anyone who trusts their partner to honour their wishes should Google what happened to Linda Bellingham's estate. It went to her husband and he then changed his will to disinherit her children.

I am the sole owner of my house, with my own children. DH has a life interest in the property but that is all. It will be the children who inherit.

Yes exactly. If you leave if up to your partner you are leaving your children's inheritance down to somebody who - rightly or wrongly - may end up not having a good relationship with them going forward.

Much better to sort your wishes out before you go.

Hsjdb7483939 · 05/06/2021 06:13

@OneRingToRuleThemAll but that’s not the same; the sons aren’t happy that they were only left £50 000 as they expected more from their mums estate and he’s not their dad. I can’t see a scenario where DH would decided not to leave money to our joint DC, the only worry would be him marrying again and leaving money to his new wife in the same way as Linda Bellingham.
@reallyreallyborednow I know about the life interest possibility and that would be fine if I was older but if I lost DH while young then I would need the whole money in the house; we built things up together and to loose half of that would leave me very financially vulnerable. Plus there’s things that become complicated like what I wanted to move but needed more than half the money in the house for that etc

Sweetchocolatecandy · 07/06/2021 15:29

Sorry to hijack the thread but does anyone know what would happen if a married couple owned a house as tenants in common and one the couple died without a will, who would get their ‘share’ in the house? (The person who died had 2 children).

titchy · 07/06/2021 16:03

@Sweetchocolatecandy

Sorry to hijack the thread but does anyone know what would happen if a married couple owned a house as tenants in common and one the couple died without a will, who would get their ‘share’ in the house? (The person who died had 2 children).
Surviving spouse would get the first £270,000 of their share of house (so all of it if the share was less):

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/who-can-inherit-if-there-is-no-will-the-rules-of-intestacy/

Sweetchocolatecandy · 07/06/2021 16:46

@titchy thank you.

Rejoiningperson · 07/06/2021 17:49

Yes see a good solicitor as this is important. Also to decide on guardians for children when you have them.

Don’t leave the house 100% to him. Give him a life interest / similar way to be able to live in the property until your kids are 18 and then it should be sold and profits given to them.

Rangoon · 20/06/2021 07:59

A life interest is just that - for life. Problems set in if you want to downsize to a smaller property or move location. Careful drafting can get round that but you need to be very clear about what you want and what you're prepared to put up with.

Whiskytangofoxtrot12345 · 20/06/2021 08:24

He would need to write his will so that you receive the house should he pass before you.

On a separate note, his ex would have a right to claim the remaining maintenance payments for the children from his estate. You can protect the estate from this with a form of insurance that would pay these rather than the estate if he were to pass.

We’ve just left everything to each other as the surviving partner would have a young family to raise in our case.

I’d speak with a solicitor/financial advisor.

Whiskytangofoxtrot12345 · 20/06/2021 08:25

Forgot to say that we each have life insurance that covers the rest of the mortgage as a minimum too

Svalberg · 20/06/2021 08:45

@titchy

Buy as joint tenant rather than tenant in common. That way if either of you die the house automatically passes to the other WITHOUT FORMING PART OF THE ESTATE. This is critical as being unmarried you'll have no IHT threshold to pass to the survivor - so the house wouldn't have to be sold to pay a tax bill. Your dp should take out life insurance in favour of the mother of his children to the value of the loss of child support she would experience. Otherwise she'd have a claim if they weren't catered for. I'd also suggest life insurance for his kids, and you so you can pay his share of the mortgage.
That's not correct. Even if you are joint tenants, your percentage of the equity of the house will form part of your estate and will go towards your IHT obligations due to you not being married. However, unless you have considerable assets (eg a mortgage free property in the SE), you won't meet the IHT threshold as that's currently £325k
Rangoon · 22/06/2021 13:14

Mutual wills is a nice idea in theory but be aware that your spouse or partner can change his will any time he likes. Of course you can too. The point is that relying on wills to safeguard property interests is very foolish.