DSD came to live with myself, DP and our 5 yr old DS 7 weeks ago. Her choice, after approx 2 years of hell at home, and I agreed as I thought the problems she was having were to do with her being 'picked on' by her step-father and just generally leading a very unhappy life.
(My DP and his ex divorced when DSD was 4 - I have known her since she was 5 - she is now 12).
I was prepared to give her everything I could & do my very best by her (which I feel I more than have so far!) I'm pretty much raising her myself, Mon-Fri. DP leaves for work at 6am and gets home around 8pm (sometimes later, & she's in bed again) BUT I have discovered that the problems she was having at home were more likely because actually she is sly & manipulative and believes the world does (& should) revolve around her. She has taken over my entire life.
Her mum is on medication through stress because of her, and in 7 weeks I have lost nearly a stone in weight through stress and worry and just generally how things have been.
When things are going her way, or she has all the attention or we're doing stuff around her, then she's fine, lovely girl....but ask her to do something she doesn't want to do, or upset her in any way and she's moody, sulky, nasty & manipulative and will do ANYTHING to get the attention back on to her.
DP knows what she can be like, but also adores her so is 'blind' to a lot of her manipulative games, which she knows so does it to him all.the.time - which is driving me crazy!! Still he doesn't see it! I feel like slapping him round the face with a wet haddock!
She also doesn't 'play up' for him like she does for me, her mother, her grandparesnts, her sisters etc etc! OR, she plays up just enough so that he can 'sort' it and wonder what our problem is...but never to the same scale.
I'm doing all the 'right' dealing with it things, and being tough and standing my ground - 'my house, my rules'/Ignore bad behaviour, reward good etc - nothing seems to actually be having a lasting effet though and I'm tired. I want a break (but her mother/grandparents don't really want the stress of her either!).
I feel like an unpaid Au-Pair, Personally Assistant to her and general dogsbody (& moody old cow). I feel used up with very little left to give.....but DP comes home from work and gives my neck a nuzzle whilst I cook his dinner and so everything should be alright then...shouldn't it?! What's my problem???
I'm not sure this arrangement is going to work, but it'd mean her moving back to her mums (over an hour away) new school, again! etc.....& I agreed to this out of commitment to my relationship with DP and becasue I wanted to help her. By wanting to send her home agian I feel like such a failure, but I feel like I didn't sign up for this. I want MY life back...OUR life back, but I feel so trapped by her now. Feel like she has all the cards and could destroy everything that DP & I have worked so hard for.
Sorry this is so long....thanks for reading, I just feel like I'm at a brick wall!