Savings accounts

[Fairlyfairfairy]

Looking for opinions.

DS has received some inheritance from a member of my family. DH and I want to invest it, this will give them an annual amount which will be put in a savings account for when they’re older (plus the initial investment).

There has been no mention of DSS receiving any of this. DSS mother is a wealthy business owner who hasn’t remarried, she can already to do a lot more with DSS than we can with them both.

DH/we can’t afford to match what DS will receive it his savings account each year for DSS.

Are we being unfair to DSS or is it just a case that differences between each child are going to happen?

If this is money left by a relative of yours and DS and not DSS relation then keep it as it is (just left to DS)
If it's a relative of both children then I would split it equally to avoid DSS feeling like the family member didn't care about him as much.

It wasn’t from a relative of DSS, just DS

I think you're almost borrowing trouble here. It's just overthinking things, given that no one has even objected.

Differences between the boys are inevitable. And there's no real reason why this inheritance/investment needs to be a big deal. Or even something on DSS's radar really.

Differences are going to happen and it's best to just be open about it and not try to "make it equal".

I don't mean that you tell the DSS about it just it shouldn't be a big secret if you do tell DS at this stage

Your step son will inherit from his mum and her family. He wouldn't be expected to share that with your son, would he?

It's for your son. Invest it for him. Your step son will be fine.

This kind of thing pisses me off. Why should you feel bad about your son receiving this from his grandparents? You think if your dss received money from his mum's parents that they'd give a shot about your son?

I doubt DSS's mum would even consider whether or not it's fair to your son if the same thing happened to DSS ...

The two boys have different families who are entitled to gift them as they seem fit. This means that sometimes one will have more than the other.

I never really understand the logic of posters who say your partners ex's parents wouldn't give anything to your children, so why would your parents give anything to your step children. Just seems weird, your step children could be seen as part of your family, your parents might regard them as their grand children, whereas your partners ex's family have absolutely nothing to do with your children .

So for instance, my eldest isn't my DH's, but he is very much part of the family. He calls my FIL grandad, my BIL is his uncle.
On the other hand there's my ex, he was once married - his in laws wouldn't have even known my second sons name?! Why would they?

Has anyone suggested DSS is missing out?

It sounds like DSS will get financial support from his mother and possibly her family that won’t be available to DS, so why is this an issue?

Just set up the account and carry on.

@schofieldsunderpants

I never really understand the logic of posters who say your partners ex's parents wouldn't give anything to your children, so why would your parents give anything to your step children. Just seems weird, your step children could be seen as part of your family, your parents might regard them as their grand children, whereas your partners ex's family have absolutely nothing to do with your children .

So for instance, my eldest isn't my DH's, but he is very much part of the family. He calls my FIL grandad, my BIL is his uncle.
On the other hand there's my ex, he was once married - his in laws wouldn't have even known my second sons name?! Why would they?

Forgot to add though, in OP's situation I wouldn't be worrying about giving money to her DSS, the money was meant for your DS.

@schofieldsunderpants

I never really understand the logic of posters who say your partners ex's parents wouldn't give anything to your children, so why would your parents give anything to your step children. Just seems weird, your step children could be seen as part of your family, your parents might regard them as their grand children, whereas your partners ex's family have absolutely nothing to do with your children .

So for instance, my eldest isn't my DH's, but he is very much part of the family. He calls my FIL grandad, my BIL is his uncle.
On the other hand there's my ex, he was once married - his in laws wouldn't have even known my second sons name?! Why would they?

That's how it works in your family. But not in every family.

My SC are my husband's children. My DC are my children. One of them is shared. It's a blended family.

My husband's family don't even know either of my older sons. My family barely know the SC. My sister has never met them. Most of my husband's family have never met both of my sons (none of them have met my eldest son). There are distances involved.

Why would my sons expect to inherit from people they've never met?

No I should have made that clear @FishyFriday , I'm not saying my experience is the norm, far from it. I certainly don't think step families should ever be expected to leave money to step children/grand children etc

I more meant the opinion that I find odd, the comparison between a child and their step family/extended family, and the relationship between a child and the family/extended family of his half/step sibling. They aren't the same thing IMO so I don't understand the " your step child's family won't leave anything to you, so why should your family leave anything for your step child" feeling. One is a step relation, one isn't. That's all.

It appears a lot on these sort of posts, and I've never really understood that logic.

@schofieldsunderpants

I never really understand the logic of posters who say your partners ex's parents wouldn't give anything to your children, so why would your parents give anything to your step children. Just seems weird, your step children could be seen as part of your family, your parents might regard them as their grand children, whereas your partners ex's family have absolutely nothing to do with your children .

So for instance, my eldest isn't my DH's, but he is very much part of the family. He calls my FIL grandad, my BIL is his uncle.
On the other hand there's my ex, he was once married - his in laws wouldn't have even known my second sons name?! Why would they?

Yes, but it is a totally fitting comparison when the other side of the family do NOT view them as their grand children, which is equally as common and acceptable.

@Fairlyfairfairy

It wasn’t from a relative of DSS, just DS

In that case it's your Ds money and nothing to do with Dss. No doubt he'll get gifted money or an inheritance during his lifetime from his mother's side of the family, and won't be expected to share any with your Ds.

All you can do is ensure you and your husband treat the children within your family fairly, you can't balance what their other relatives provide.

If it has been left for your DS then it's for your DS, otherwise it would of been left for both your DS and DSS

It’s fine. This is money from your side of the family given to your son. It’s his.

It’s nothing to do with DSS.