Advice needed

11 replies

Singlemummaxxx · 27/05/2021 12:24

I have met a man who has 3 lovely children. I have two of my own but both of mine are older and at school. He still has a toddler and has him almost fulltime. Am I selfish for not wanting to do this stage of parenting again? Is it wrong of me to go over and not want to sit and play with toys. I really love my partner but I had my children youngish so that I could now be enjoying me again. He is also 11 yrs older than me and he will be in his 60s when his youngest is early adult but i will be in my 40s when mine leave home. I wonder if we will ever get "us" time. Can it work? We have been together 7months and I'm crazy about him.
Anyone been through something similar?

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aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2021 12:36

Hmmmm, it does sound like the circumstances are stacked against this being a workable set up, sadly! I think I would cut my losses.

Original poster

Singlemummaxxx · 27/05/2021 13:00

I am leaning towards that as well. He is happy to just hang at home with all our kids which is nice and when my ex has my kids (2 night per week) he never even tries to organise his ex to have his so we can get some "us" time. I really like his kids, don't get me wrong but I want to know him as a person. No doubt he is an amazing father and would be an amazing stepfather to.

OP posts:

RedMarauder · 27/05/2021 16:05

You aren't suited.

You need someone with children the same age or older than yours.

Footloosefancyfree · 27/05/2021 20:59

Your not compatible.

CoffeeCakey · 27/05/2021 21:33

Sorry, doesn't sound like you want the same things.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2021 21:36

I’d walk away. You know what your future would look like. Toddler life with the complications of an ex plus your own older DC who need you would be exhausting. It’s a shame but go now before you get further attached.

SandyY2K · 27/05/2021 21:38

He is happy to just hang at home with all our kids

This gets boring quickly. The ages of your kids are an issue. I can understand why you don't want to go back to having a toddler when you're done with that stage.

BlueJag · 27/05/2021 21:44

It can work but I have a feeling that you'll make more sacrifices for the relationship. Ask him for child free time to test the water. See how he reacts.

Guavafish · 27/05/2021 23:48

If you don’t have time together as a couple it may not work out

Lena007 · 28/05/2021 08:16

I would ask him for a child free time too. If he refused, I personally would step back.
Time for only two of you to build relationship is important.

It may be as well that his ex will be difficult and will not want to facilitate it when he asks. You need to think it through and be prepared for this option too.

jimmyjammy001 · 30/05/2021 03:07

Your incompatible, end of, resentment will just build up when you have child free time and he doesn't, also he comes as a package with his kids, you will be expected to interact with them at some point, what happens if in a few years time you want to move in together, you will have to live as a blended family and play step mum

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