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Original poster

Holiday aggro

81 replies

ihavenowords30 · 15/05/2021 22:45

So for lots of reasons myself and my partner have had a absolutely horrid 18 months and decided that we are booking a holiday abroad next may, now there is myself DP and out 3 year old. We extended the invite to my partners 3 kids. His 2 boys (14 & 18) straight away said no they don't like the heat and no gaming / wifi etc. They asked if we would still be doing a uk air bnb type break down south next summer and we said yes so they were happy and ticked off the list.

SD 14 However was very excited and 100% wants to go so we agreed we would go in may half term so she could come.

We approached this with her mum today and was told flat out no she wasn't going on holiday in may as she starts exams in June so she has to revise due to missing school... now she's very bright and was doing well e learning so no concerns about achieving results. SD is gutted.

We have 2 family weddings and other money commitments through July / august so no chance of taking the week then either, and as I mentioned we are in need of a break so not holding out till Oct 2022.

I posted another thread recently about the ex and her having issues with money / debts so we thought she would Jump at the chance for the kids holidays being sorted by us next year but no...

Anyway we've said to think about it until next weekend the we are booking either in the half term with SD or out of half term just the 3 of us for this one.

Any one had this before and managed to resolve?

OP posts:
Allgirlskidsanddogs · 16/05/2021 17:03

I think you have brought this upon yourself. Surely you check dates etc with the resident parent before asking the children? I think the other parent is sensible in their attitude not to allow a holiday in half term before major exams.

Original poster
ihavenowords30 · 16/05/2021 17:06

Ok fair enough I appreciate everyone's opinions. It was just a spur of the moment idea to go away because we need a break to look forward to next year. End of June /July and aug are all no go because we have too much on already.

We didn't ever want to go in half term but would of paid the extra of SD Wanted to come. We have booked the week before may half term now anyway and the kids will be coming away with us in august/ sept so it's all sorted.

We've said she can come aboard the year after when Shes college.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 16/05/2021 17:23

I don’t understand why the mother had to step in here, and the father would not put his daughters best interests first

Do you use her for babysitting? Is the mother right on that too?

lunar1 · 16/05/2021 17:39

@Bluntness100

I don’t understand why the mother had to step in here, and the father would not put his daughters best interests first

Do you use her for babysitting? Is the mother right on that too?

Another waste of space parent who has no idea what's going on in his child's life. No involved parent would make this mistake.

User135792468 · 16/05/2021 18:50

@lunar1 What a foul thing to say! I bet you would never say that to someone to their face. Yes, they made a mistake and misjudged the situation completely but who hasn’t ever made a mistake when raising children?

ThatIsMyPotato · 16/05/2021 19:06

Another waste of space parent who has no idea what's going on in his child's life. No involved parent would make this mistake. that's a bit harsh who hasn't made a mistake at some point.

lunar1 · 16/05/2021 19:07

There is a complete difference between making a mistake and completely forgetting a massive milestone in his child's life to the extent that he offered to take her away right before the start of exams that will ha e a massive impact on her future.

She will already be into the courses for over a year at this point. I think it's absolutely foul that a dad wouldn't know this, and bloody awful that the mum has been forced to be the bad guy by him. Hopefully the DD is more sensible than her dad and understands why her mum said no.

Tiredoftattler · 16/05/2021 19:25

OP, it seems as your partner chose a destination that either because of location or timing would not work for 3 out of 3 of his children. He does not seem to either know his children or their needs and interests very well.

This seems to be essentially an adult get away where the children were added as an after thought. It is fine to need/want an adult get away but why try to frame it as some kind of family event? Clearly his boys had no prior input into the location selection.

Guavafish · 16/05/2021 21:26

Book the holiday outside the half term

Study and exam commitments come first. There will be another time I’m sure.

Frankola · 20/05/2021 13:17

We get this with DSDs mum. She always tries to control the decisions, dates etc of anything we suggest.

We very quickly got the the point of saying to her this is what is happening. Yes or no to SDS joining in? We don't wait for them to dictate dates.

It's your holiday, your choice on timings

Egghead81 · 20/05/2021 13:28

@Frankola

We get this with DSDs mum. She always tries to control the decisions, dates etc of anything we suggest.

We very quickly got the the point of saying to her this is what is happening. Yes or no to SDS joining in? We don't wait for them to dictate dates.

It's your holiday, your choice on timings

If your dictating impacted the child’s exam success? Irresponsible and selfish
TeenMinusTests · 20/05/2021 13:54

I'm glad you've seen sense. I have a y11 and an older one too.

In any normal year, the May half term of GSCEs is important for rest, recuperation and revising the second half of the subjects. Plus school may well put on revision sessions. A weekend break would be one thing, but a whole week abroad would reasonably be an absolute no for most.

gonnabeok · 20/05/2021 13:56

I'm with the mum on this one.Her GCSEs ate more important.

GrumpyHoonMain · 20/05/2021 13:59

Your Oh should know her GCSE exam dates. Shit poor parenting for him to not know and then get her excited. In his position & give her a treat before the exams - maybe a nice dinner out somewhere. Not your problem though

motogogo · 20/05/2021 14:12

Is she taking GCSEs? (I took mine at 15, summer birthday) if so I can't believe you have suggested going then, if it's just mocks then it depends on when the exams are, later in June is ok

SandyY2K · 20/05/2021 15:16

Another waste of space parent who has no idea what's going on in his child's life. No involved parent would make this mistake.

This made me laugh, but it's true that in the involved parent (with their education) wouldn't make this mistake.

I would always be the one to know this stuff and I think it's usually (not always) mums who are more aware.

I've shared this (link below) before on MN, but a lot of dads (as much as they love their kids) and my DH is the same, just don't know certain stuff about their kids.

Frankola · 20/05/2021 17:31

The child should have been revising for GCSEs way before now @egghead81

If they'd been revising for a long period I cannot see what harm a week break will do.

If the parents are leaving revision to the last minute then that is selfish and irresponsible.

I was revising for my GCSEs way before this time of the year. My parents took me away for a break before I sat mine.
I also came out with the highest GCSE performance in my year group.
It clearly didn't do me any harm...

Egghead81 · 20/05/2021 17:52

@Frankola

The child should have been revising for GCSEs way before now *@egghead81*

If they'd been revising for a long period I cannot see what harm a week break will do.

If the parents are leaving revision to the last minute then that is selfish and irresponsible.

I was revising for my GCSEs way before this time of the year. My parents took me away for a break before I sat mine.
I also came out with the highest GCSE performance in my year group.
It clearly didn't do me any harm...

Yes of course revising way before But you don’t regard the immediate short term before the exam crucial?

Yes I’m sure you came top Grin

excelledyourself · 20/05/2021 17:55

@frankola Was that during a year like the one our kids have just been through? Hmm

Onceuponatime1818 · 20/05/2021 17:55

My parents took me away for a break before I sat mine.

Yea lots of families did this the year of the ash cloud... then next year was said if they miss exams because of air travel they won’t get grades.

This would be my worry with covid currently

TeenMinusTests · 20/05/2021 18:12

The OP is talking about 2022.

Some PP may need reminding that GCSEs are different now from 20 or even 10 years ago. The lack of coursework these days means that you don't have marks in the bag before the summer exams, and also that there are even more summer exams than previously.

Yes they will have been revising but they will still need to be refreshing knowledge in the May half term in preparation for the 2/3 weeks of following exams. Schools may well be running revision sessions too. A holiday then, especially abroad with the risk of flight delays etc should only take place with the agreement of both parents and the young person themselves.

GrumpyHoonMain · 20/05/2021 18:41

@TeenMinusTests

The OP is talking about 2022.

Some PP may need reminding that GCSEs are different now from 20 or even 10 years ago. The lack of coursework these days means that you don't have marks in the bag before the summer exams, and also that there are even more summer exams than previously.

Yes they will have been revising but they will still need to be refreshing knowledge in the May half term in preparation for the 2/3 weeks of following exams. Schools may well be running revision sessions too. A holiday then, especially abroad with the risk of flight delays etc should only take place with the agreement of both parents and the young person themselves.

Yes. Exam only courses require study right up to the last minute.
Fireflygal · 20/05/2021 19:53

@ihavenowords30, worth making sure DSD and her dad are around for GCSE results day.

The years between 15 & 18 are tricky and you just have to work around their exams and results. You'll be the same for you child.

Frankola · 20/05/2021 21:26

@egghead81 what a vile piece of work you are.

I can assure you that I did indeed come top.

What a disgustingly personal insult to try to suggest I'm lying because my narrative doesn't fit your opinion.

We're you perhaps one of the school bully's in your time?

Frankola · 20/05/2021 21:27

Were not bloody we're!

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