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Step-parenting

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Social services ... advice please .

12 replies

Lifesforloving1 · 03/05/2021 09:01

Long story short , my husband has been battling for years to have a healthy relationship with his 9 year old daughter. daughters mum thrives on drama and negative situations , she has 2 other children , all different fathers . Which they don’t see their children either due to her actions. My hasband has a court order which she always breaks. And the police can not in-force it. ( which I feel is terrible ! )
My step daughter does play them both off & myself /she will tell little lies. ( most children do )

Lockdown just gone, the whole situation got really awful... resulting in my husband calling it a day due to the stress. ( but rings the school every week to see how she’s getting on)

4 months has past..
Last Friday my hasband gets a call from the school.. saying they have had to make a referral to MARU. As they don’t feel her/the other children’s needs are being meet. Also the head teacher having concerns.

Step daughter has also told a few lies about myself and my hasband.
Saying that “ she does not like me, I always get her in trouble, I shout , I swear. Which I really don’t. It’s made me feel really crap and awful.
I work in a nursery connected to a school so am always sensitive of the situation.
Should I be worrying ?
I don’t want to get into trouble because of lies / her mum poising her little mind ?
What happens now after it’s been refured to MARU .
This is the third time it’s been refured !!

OP posts:
MrsZlatan · 03/05/2021 09:06

Your hasband should have returned to court when the ex wife began breaking their order. It’s the courts that enforce that type of order. Not the police.

Lifesforloving1 · 03/05/2021 09:08

@MrsZlatan
My husband has been in touch with the courts & they said... if daughters says no, it can not be inforced! He’s been to court for her 5 times...

OP posts:
Lifesforloving1 · 03/05/2021 09:10

@MrsZlatan
Also my hasband cannot mentally keep taking her to court every year . It’s not fair on him.

OP posts:
pabloescobarselasticband · 03/05/2021 09:13

In my experience you/ your Dh can't win. My ex partner was in the same situation. The courts make the orders, the mothers break them, the father shells out even more money to go back to court, the court gives her a slap on the wrist but no real consequences for her behaviour and then the whole cycle starts again. The whole system is a joke!

ConfusedAdultFemale · 03/05/2021 09:15

Well his options are either give up on his daughter or continue fighting. Your options are nil as it doesn’t concern you.

lunar1 · 03/05/2021 09:33

It sounds like SS are only concerned about the mum, not you and you DH. Have they asked him to take her full time?

PanamaPattie · 03/05/2021 09:39

The school has kept DH in the loop because of PR. None of this concerns you. The school have reported the mother of the children.

justchecking1 · 03/05/2021 10:50

Can you not contact SS if it's been referred? They will surely be in touch with you before long anyway to find out what you know about the situation

Lifesforloving1 · 03/05/2021 11:39

@pabloescobarselasticband
I’m glad you understand the situation ! It’s really awful to go through isn’t it ! It has seriously effect my step daughter - and her mum doesn't care less ! I’m guessing you went through all of it as well ! I don’t think much on the courts if I'm honest ! Money making !!

@ConfusedAdultFemale I completely understand that , I was just asking for advice on my part as I work in a school !

@lunar1 Yes, the social services phone call has been made agonist her mum. ( not myself or my husband ) so I won’t worry to much.
The school know we are pretty respectable people and want the best for her -

OP posts:
TheSuezCanalTugBoat · 04/05/2021 22:56

I'm not sure what to suggest op, but you have my sympathies.

My partner has an ex who is always breaking the court order. The police/ courts/ social services don't care. Sad

RandomMess · 04/05/2021 23:10

I think unfortunately so much parental alienation etc goes on when there is a hostile RP that actually enforcing the court order can end up detrimental to the DC involved SadSadSadSad NRP is in a lose lose situation.

Thankfully most RP are reasonable and put their DC well-being first.

Do you live close enough to the school for DSD to live with you for a while? Some stability and chance to build a relationship would be so good for her! Perhaps DH could go back to court to become RP or 50:50?

KylieKoKo · 05/05/2021 13:59

OP, do not, under any circumstances allow yourself to be alone with a child who is being watched by Social Services who has form for lying about the way adults behave towards her. This would be very risky for you.

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