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Step-parenting

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Relationships

3 replies

1982lgr · 02/05/2021 15:38

Where do I start? My teenager is a good boy (17) never had any trouble. Glowing school reports. Never been rude or agreessive or caught in a bad crowd. All in all he is a joy. However my husband has a teenage boy(18) that lives with his mother and is quite problematic at home. Disrespectful. Aggressive and has some anger problems but nothing too major. He stays with us less and less nowadays. He's always been respectful towards me and can be quite pleasant. My husband has no relationship with him or my son. It seems everytime we get a call about his behavior we try to fix it and also have a nice weekend together as a family and help him buy stuff or fix the things he's broken. He won't contact my husband until my husband tries to contact him (normal for age) I think. My husband will then get depressed and is where the fun starts. He will become withdrawn and not interact with m son so my son feels nervous around him and I get mad and we stop talking and it all goes down hill. My husbands latest thing is my son sleeping until 12pm at weekends and days he's not at college. So now the house has an atmosphere AGAIN. I have told my husband I don't have a problem as I was like that as a teen but he doesn't understand and sees it as lazy. He also spends most time in his room except for meal times and going to the gym/ college. I can't keep having these feelings of anxiety and walking around on egg shells. I'm beginning to dislike my husband as this has been going on for year's.

OP posts:
Tiredoftattler · 02/05/2021 16:46

OP,
It seems that both boys are experiencing the varied behavioral issues and actions common to young people of their age.

Your husband , on the other hand, is demonstrating signs of immaturity and arrested development.

It is normal and expected to go through the arise developmental stages of maturation with your children. This is not a process that you should expect to endure with your spouse or partner.

At your stage of life, I would be looking forward to enjoying a new level of freedom and opportunity for travel and exploration with my husband. I would not all be looking forward to immaturity and adolescent like behavior from a grown man.

Find ways and opportunities to liberate yourself from the depressing situation.

RedMarauder · 02/05/2021 20:09

The issue isn't with either your son or your step-son, who are both behaving age appropriately, but your husband's attitude and behaviour.

Your step-son is an adult while your son is nearly one. Does your husband recognise he is dealing with young men?

In a couple of years your son will have left home while your step-son won't stay over at all. This will leave you just living with your husband.

What do you want your relationship with your husband to be like? Have you thought of couples counseling to see if you have a relationship worth saving with him?

SandyY2K · 03/05/2021 14:42

I think your DH is jealous of the relationship you have with your son (because he doesn't have a good one with his) and will find anything to have a go.

What difference does it really make to him when your son wakes up? A teenager sleeping till midday at the weekend is a none issue.

What are his interpersonal and social skills like overall?

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