Older stepdaughter and dog wwyd?

[Armychefbethebest]

Hi I'm just after some advice and needing a place to sound off really , so I have 4 children 2 older that have left home a dd 13 and ds 11 , my partner has 2 children 1 older dd 21 and a ds 13. We had a few teething problems initially but generally are 1 big family and we have a good relationship. Heres my issue I expect to be flamed but please let me explain . So my dsd 21 has been in a same sex relationship with the same person since 16. They are very much on and off and up until xmas were living together at a rented house then the landlord need the house and then they planned to move in with her partners mum and gran , 3 occasions since xmas they have had a huge bust up and each time my dsd has come to us as her and her mum cannot live together. Believe me this is not the problem we have 3 older ones between us there will be times when we need to help them out for a bit , the problem is the dog my dsd dog it is massive (think lurcher type) I have 2 small terriers and each time it has taken a few days to settle all 3 down , the lurcher is lovely shes well trained but she poops like a horse and my dsd works long hours so it's up to me or my partner we work shift patterns to feed ,clear up and occupy the dog it's a massive ball of energy and needs walking every day which has happenned twice in 2 months.every weekend I'm off.It feels like I'm just dog sitting this was particularly hard when we were grounded by boris it wouldnt be too bad if when my dsd finished work she would take her for a walk but more often than not she gets a shower and goes to see friends. The only time she takes the dog is when she goes for sleepovers at the partners mums/grandmas. And that was only because I said no I wouldnt have her overnight and her dad said the same thing the next day too. What do we do I dont want to come across as the wicked stepmom I'm really not but I just dont seem to get any peace at home , my partner whilst understanding isent exactly being forthcoming about talking to her about her dog , she doesnt have time for her , we didnt sign up for an extra dog . I seem to have inherited a darling stepdog but it's too much , how do I deal with this without ruining a good family dynamic ????

Tell dsd she needs to pay a ddog walker...

If your partner won't talk to her about the dog then he can be soley in charge of looking after the dog.

Is SD planning on moving out?

That’s not ok to just leave you to look after the dog; can you just say to her that you’re finding it too much and when she’s working she needs to work out how the dog will be cared for

This is ridiculous behaviour from your DSD. She's not a child. You are quite obviously not a wicked stepmother and I'm sure she realises this too.

If your DH doesn't see a problem I wouldn't bother involving him in the conversation. Sit DSD down and ask her what her plans are for having her dog tended to while she's working such long hours. If she says things are fine, say they're fine because I've been managing your responsibilities without you even asking me, I'm telling you now this will not continue indefinitely so you need to come up with a plan.

“I can’t care for your dog, your dad is at work and you don’t look after it, so I’m a ringing the dog charity to rehome it in one week unless you step up.”

Sorry to be harsh but It sounds like she has a chaotic life and she’s not suddenly going to take responsibility for the poor thing. It deserves a more stable home.

It's her dog and she should give it a long walk before and after work that would settle it down a lot and it may be fine during the day, otherwise she should pay for a dog walker.

I’d tell her she needs to book the dog into her local kennels and visit for walks or to being the dog to your house when she is there at the same time.

You need to be much harsher, tbh. Just tell her she needs to look after her dog. I wouldn't be doing any of it.

YANBU

If her Dad won't tell her then you tell her. It's affecting you. You are both adults. Speak up for yourself.

She's taking the mick. She must love living with you all and not having to care for her own dog!

Put your foot down and stop being her unpaid dog sitter and walker. It’s a ridiculous situation.

Even telling her to employ a dog walker doesn’t take care of cleaning up after it. If you don’t mind her living there then tell her to arrange daytime care for it and pay for it. Any resistance or stropping on that and she moves out ASAP.

You’re so worried about looking mean you’re being a mug. It’s a common problem. But time is up. Get your house back.

Your step daughter cannot just leave the dog as your responsibility but what stood out in your post was ‘it needs walking every day ‘ , do you not walk your own dogs everyday ?

Hi thank you for all of your replies , soooooo today she has found a house and will be moving again in a few weeks I did sit her down and had a chat with her about everything and said even though she has a new house I still feel for the dog as It will be left in for long hours every day whilst she is working and the dog is now used to being with people all of the time . I also mentioned about the walking and I think it needs addressing straight away at least one good walk a day ,she has agreed to this as I said I felt she was taking the piss a little bit my partner works 5 12 hour shifts a week so it's been mainly me dealing with everything as I work school hours but have a heavy commute on that so I've just kind of felt frazzled.
. To the pp who asked do I walk my own dogs , one of my dogs is 15 and nearly blind now and struggles so I keep him comfortable at home although I realise I probably need to make the kindest decision for him soon and my other dog is a 3 year old tea cup yorkie and yes she is walked in the morning before I go to work and by the kids after school , I have a hip condition and I do struggle mobility wise so dsd dog I would struggle with she pulls and is quite unsocial and plus if something happened to someone or something whilst I was walking her and I cannot control her that would be terrible and I'd never forgive myself, thank you to posters who have suggested dog walkers this would be useful when she has moved into her own house.

That's good news that she's getting her own place. Hopefully she will look after her dog properly now she has no one else to do it for her!