I’m absolutely at my wits end with playing the step mother role and having our lives influenced and controlled by partners ex wife and my feelings in all of this getting cast aside by everyone else.
In summary for the last few years I’ve had to deal with horrible and bitter and manipulative behaviour, including her using her son as a pawn, her ruining our family holidays (every single one of them), plans being ruined, ringing the police for everything that is nothing and traumatising the children, stalking me on the school runs, impersonating me, stealing money off me through her son, my SS not being able to hug me or even talk to me in my own home half the time because his mum has scared him not to. And most recently, getting her child to ask me questions when her dads out of the room to get info about us and singing horrible songs about me that her mum had taught her thinking it’s funny but not knowing what it actually means (I have no doubt my SS loves and cares about me).
I think I blew my top yesterday when I went to pick up SS from school and got refused at the gate!
My DP was in court in January for an enforcement order against her withholding his son and alienating him, and she put in for an amendment to the court order so that only my partner can spend time with his son and no one else in the family which was cast aside as ridiculous by the court because it was impractical.
My partner and I always share the school runs around work and other life things so that it works for the whole family. He takes his son and my child to school on a Monday and Thursdays and i occasionally pick both of them up mid week so his son is not stuck in after school club until late and the children get more time together midweek after school.
Now last night when I got refused, the school said they had to ‘text his mum for permission’ for me to pick him up (on his ordered time) because she’d sent a solicitors letter in saying so, even though it’s not court ordered to do so. Which meant I was left anxious, humiliated, his son being confused over it, hanging around for another half an hour until my partner got to school, I was late for my first ever social event with a friend I haven’t seen for a year, and it was one big mess.
I know it’s not the schools fault and they have a duty of care but her attempt at blocking everything has really got to me because as much as it is between the two of them as parents it affects me and it affects my daughter also. She has tried blocking the both of us from school plays, any home learning his son has done at ours has been deleted by her when he’s been homeschooling here, any holidays we have planned and paid for she has made sure she has ruined by either witholding him or ringing the police or simply frightening her son so he will not talk and is tearful for the first day of any trip we do with the children.
I got angry last night at the upset of it all, I felt like I was an intruder at the school and had some space away which made me feel guilty for not being back in time for my SS’s bedtime.
Today I told my partner that I wasn’t to be involved in the school anymore because the anxiety it causes me just isn’t worth my mental health. I have just recently (the past two weeks) come out of a nasty long standing depression and I felt like I had my first happiness bubble burst yesterday and it was to do with her again. I’m aware it makes me look like the bad guy to him by not giving as much as he does to the family if I’m refusing to pick him up from school or reject his request for me to attend his play bless him. To be fair, my partner does absolutely everything for my own child and has always gone out of his way to accommodate anything he’s played a magnificent step parent role to them so the contrast has made me feel like I am being unreasonable and horrible but he does not have a bitter parent to deal with! I love my step son and I don’t know if it’s the depression speaking but I can feel myself drifting further and further apart from him and i can’t help but feel that way. I know it’s not his fault but I also know this is not going to go away and as much as it’s my partner (she tries her best to make his life as difficult as possible) she’s punishing and her son, it also has a huge impact on me as well and I feel like because their relationship between them all has nothing to do with my my feelings just get cast aside and I’m just expected to tolerate it and say nothing. It’s a shit situation to be in.
I had a bit of a teary, raised voice rant at my partner today on the phone and told him I was sick of it and I feel like I’m a third wheel who’s not considered at all. Sick of hearing her name being mentioned every day in this house because she’s constantly messaging abuse to him about their son. He is a wonderful dad and I feel so bad saying all of this because I know he takes on a lot by trying his best to stay in his sons life against the wrath of her who tries her best for him not to be.
I felt happiness for the first time since Christmas yesterday, I got out for a run for the first time in years and it took me months to leave the house properly for me and now I feel like I’m back down there again because of one single incident 