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Step-parenting

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Original poster

No connection with SS

15 replies

idontknow1648 · 10/04/2021 09:16

As it says in the title really.

Little bit of backstory so I myself have a DD (5) and my DP has a son (2) and when the last lockdown was in place I was homeschooling my DD so I never saw SS and now we're spending days together when DD is at school or with her dad, I always feel mentally drained after spending time with SS and not wanting to be around him. Before the lockdown started in January I never felt this bad about spending time with SS but still didn't enjoy it. When my DP has SS they spend time at his flat as we don't live together.

Has anyone got any advice or been in a similar scenario themselves? I don't know what to do about it

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 10/04/2021 09:20

Are you having step son without your partner present? Its not clear

KarensChoppyBob · 10/04/2021 09:21

I truly hope she isn't.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/04/2021 09:24

How long have you been together? I'm assuming not very long due to his son only being 2. I'd cut my losses and move on, personally.

Original poster
idontknow1648 · 10/04/2021 09:29

@Northernsoullover

Are you having step son without your partner present? Its not clear
No his dad is always there
OP posts:
dontdisturbmenow · 10/04/2021 09:59

Why do you hate it? Have you told your partner? Unless the reason is something you can easily remediate, you'll have to accept that this is not the relationship for you.

How can you all be happy if you don't want to be around a 2yo who needs much attention from his dad due to his age?

Soontobe60 · 10/04/2021 10:03

Is your DP leaving you to do all the entertaining of his son? If so, there’s your problem.

nimbuscloud · 10/04/2021 10:07

You’re not living together so your dp cares for his son at his own flat?
Are you annoyed that he is spending time with his child rather than with you?

SandyY2K · 10/04/2021 13:11

2 year olds can be hard work and tiring. Unless you're the parent, Grandparent or a child care worker, you probably won't necessarily enjoy spending time with him.

Have you tried playing games with him (as muchas he can) ...or getting down to his level and doing what you did when your DD was that age. Or treating him like a nephew or friend's child.

Can you explain what it is that you don't like about spending time with him? Is it his clinginess to his dad, his personality or just his presence.

Tiredoftattler · 10/04/2021 13:25

OP, given the child's age, I assume that you and the father have not been together very long. It can be stressful for a 2 year old to be away from his mom for extended period 's of time and he may not yet have figured out your place in his life.

Why bother to go around at all when the son is there? Why not make your adult time child free time? Is there a reason that you need to be present when he has his son?

You might be happier if you limited your time together to your child free time.

Footloosefancyfree · 10/04/2021 15:49

2year old are extremely hard work more so when they are not your own. Doesnt sound like you been together very long if he's only 2 and your living together with your dd.

RedGoldAndGreene · 10/04/2021 16:36

While being 2 is hard, looking after a 2yo is even harder. That's without complications like being a step parent.

Can you work out what's wrong? Is it the physical and emotional demands of looking after a 2yo? Is it about how your partner parents his 2yo versus how he parents your dd when ss is not around? Is your partner expecting you to do too much? (Expect you to be a mother figure when you'd rather be more a friend to him?)

KarensChoppyBob · 10/04/2021 16:52

I think I'd understand this more if you weren't a parent yourself OP. I hope you can sort this out otherwise I feel for that little boy.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/04/2021 10:16

What do you think is missing and what do you want?

GordonYaSelfishTwit · 12/04/2021 04:10

I think this would be easier if he were older because I'd say just do your own thing, my older DSC very rarely need huge amounts of attention these days as they are often with friends or doing their own things.

But obviously 2 is very different. It's a difficult age and he's going to need to be the focus when he's with his Dad and you for some time to come yet.

So whilst I absolutely don't judge you for not liking being around him (not everyone has to like every child they meet!), I would probably break off the relationship if I wasn't happy being around their child at the age they are.

RedMarauder · 12/04/2021 12:32

If you don't like him is it actually because you don't like how your partner parents? In other words he doesn't.

I have friends who have split up with a partner who had a child because they couldn't stand how their partner parented.

They came to realise there was no issue with the child as they acted fine around other adults, whether they were use to children or not, and with other kids but only if their parent wasn't right next to them and their parent was occupied with something else.

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