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Original poster

Another CMS question

74 replies

monkehsee · 07/04/2021 15:49

When DP and his ExW separated the agreement was that they had 50/50 care of the children, she kept the house which has no mortgage and they had a clean break.
She works full time awkward shift pattern so DP agreed to stay part time on fixed hours with 2 hours of childcare needed by to be paid each day for wrap around care.
DP was not paying the childcare bill because his ExW claims the childcare element of tax credits and they had agreed that he would stay part-time and do the majority of school runs etc. He picks up Extra hours when he can to supplement the part time income but can only do this if she isn't working over the weekend.
Unfortunately the wrap around care requires payment all week as the requirement for it is ad-hoc and they have variable use of it.
DP never has set days with the children and only has the children when she is working so she can continue to work full time in her job. He has them 50/50 but doesn't get to decide the days.
Now however she has suggested that he should be paying the childcare because it falls on his days?
I kind of get what she is saying but he has already agreed to take a reduction in income and be part time and she gets the tax credits element for childcare.
Surely if she expects home to pay the childcare he should be entitled to the tax credits as they have 50/50 care?
Am I missing something or is this unfair? If she is claiming the tax credits for childcare but he is paying for it surely that is fraud?

OP posts:
Original poster
monkehsee · 07/04/2021 15:50

Forgot to say this is on top of him paying maintenance even though they have 50/50 care and she is the higher earner??

OP posts:
KoalaOok · 07/04/2021 16:36

If he went full time now would that improve things financially?

KoalaOok · 07/04/2021 16:37

@monkehsee

Forgot to say this is on top of him paying maintenance even though they have 50/50 care and she is the higher earner??
This seems really odd unless there's something I'm missing.
Magda72 · 07/04/2021 16:55

Sounds to me like she's totally taking the p*ss on a lot of fronts - unless I'm also missing something.

KoalaOok · 07/04/2021 16:58

I think they need to revisit their whole agreement, it seems like your OH is taking on a lot of the financial responsibility and also the actual responsibility by agreeing to work full-time.

He should ideally have set days so the children know what is happening each week for a start.

KoalaOok · 07/04/2021 16:58
  • agreeing to work part time even
KoalaOok · 07/04/2021 16:59

Was this all agreed through court?

aSofaNearYou · 07/04/2021 17:24

@Magda72

Sounds to me like she's totally taking the p*ss on a lot of fronts - unless I'm also missing something.
Agreed. Something isn't right in this set up and he needs to revisit it.
Original poster
monkehsee · 07/04/2021 18:32

Thanks for the replies, I agree that's it is wholly fair on him financially, plus he is unable to make arrangements to do much in his own life because of the inconsistent nature of the 50/50 split. At the moment it is not impacting the children because he just does whatever she says but if he even mentions that he needs a day to do something so can't have the children she kicks off or she changes her shifts and only tells him a few days before.
He gets so stressed but says he can't do anything about it because she always piles on about how it's best for the children and he backs down.

OP posts:
Original poster
monkehsee · 07/04/2021 18:36

@KoalaOok

Was this all agreed through court?
Sort of, the 50/50 care yes, they actually agreed to no Childsupport because it's 50/50 but that has already been changed and now she is asking for him to cover the childcare too. I don't want to say anything to him if what I'm thinking is out of order. IMO if he is the one that's part time and does the majority of childcare he should be getting the tax credits to supplement his part time income. Although they have a 50/50 split overnight he actually does more 60/40 weighted towards him because they often are at his for dinner most evenings even when they are supposed to be at their mums
OP posts:
KoalaOok · 07/04/2021 18:40

If they agreed no child support because it's 50/50 then that is what they should stick too.

Palavah · 07/04/2021 18:46

You said he's already paying maintenance and the request to pay for childcare is on top of that. Why is he paying maintenance if he has them at least 50% of the time?

UhtredRagnarson · 07/04/2021 18:50

I don’t really understand how he is paying Maintenance- they have 50:50 care and he only works part time to her full time. How has this happened?

Youseethethingis · 07/04/2021 19:12

This is an utter shambles and absolutely not in the best interests of the children to be passed from pillar to post, let alone the utter injustice of her keeping the house, her full time wage, maintenance and the childcare element. I’d bet my house she claims the CB too.
How can he be expected to provide properly for his children if they spend most of their time with him but most of the money goes to their mother?
Revisit the whole thing. Your DH has nothing to lose. She should be ashamed.

Original poster
monkehsee · 07/04/2021 19:12

@UhtredRagnarson

I don’t really understand how he is paying Maintenance- they have 50:50 care and he only works part time to her full time. How has this happened?
No idea. He agreed to 50/50 no child support and she gets the house. As he agreed to stay part time it was agreed that she covered the childcare bill as she gets the tax credits. I believe it's fraud for him to pay it when she is claiming for it?
OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 07/04/2021 19:16

No idea.

You mean you never asked?

MeridianB · 07/04/2021 19:17

@KoalaOok

I think they need to revisit their whole agreement, it seems like your OH is taking on a lot of the financial responsibility and also the actual responsibility by agreeing to work full-time.

He should ideally have set days so the children know what is happening each week for a start.

This....

His ex has eroded the arrangement by stealth and plans to keep building her advantage by the sound of it.

So a complete review/reset would be in his interests.

Maintenance stops immediately. Everything else is reviewed.

You’re right to help him stand up for himself as she is using the children to emotionally blackmail him.

MeridianB · 07/04/2021 19:19

Also, she got the house. And assuming he contributed to the deposit and mortgage, that is a HUGE concession on his part.

Based on what you’ve shared, she needs an epic wake-up call.

MadeForThis · 07/04/2021 19:21

They need to go to court.

EnoughnowIthink · 07/04/2021 19:25

Tax credits won't pay the full amount of childcare - I think it's 70% at most. It will depend on what she earns. If he wants to change the arrangement, he will need to accept that his going full time will probably impact on his ex's ability to work full time, particularly if she has an irregular shift pattern. What is he proposing to make things fair so that they are both able to work full time? If you make it about money and who pays for what, it'll be a very bitter battle which will be far from being in the children's best interests. Are they able to talk? Mediation might help if they struggle to discuss things.

From a childcare perspective, I would suggest if they are both going to work, they will both need childcare so splitting the part that isn't covered by tax credits 50/50 would be reasonable?

Original poster
monkehsee · 07/04/2021 19:35

@UhtredRagnarson

No idea.

You mean you never asked?

Correct, it is a very delicate subject but I feel one that needs to be addressed.
OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 07/04/2021 19:37

It definitely does. It’s odd that he is paying maintenance in these circumstances so I tentatively suggest there is something you haven’t been told.

Original poster
monkehsee · 07/04/2021 19:41

@EnoughnowIthink

Tax credits won't pay the full amount of childcare - I think it's 70% at most. It will depend on what she earns. If he wants to change the arrangement, he will need to accept that his going full time will probably impact on his ex's ability to work full time, particularly if she has an irregular shift pattern. What is he proposing to make things fair so that they are both able to work full time? If you make it about money and who pays for what, it'll be a very bitter battle which will be far from being in the children's best interests. Are they able to talk? Mediation might help if they struggle to discuss things.

From a childcare perspective, I would suggest if they are both going to work, they will both need childcare so splitting the part that isn't covered by tax credits 50/50 would be reasonable?

he isn't proposing anything, that is the current situation. The arrangement was she gets the house which is already paid off, they have 50/50 care of the kids so no maintenance and he will stay part time so she can keep her career. He then began paying maintenance and now she has suggested that he should be responsible for the childcare too. I guess the alternative is that they have a 50/50 split on set days and if her shifts fall on her days she will bare the childcare costs and if they fall on his days he pays. It's not a question of tit for tat for money, It is that she earns more, has no mortgage as it's paid off and has her career. He has put his career on hold to remain part time so she can keep hers, has handed over a house that is fully paid off and does more than his 50/50 share of parenting yet pays maintenance to her. She is now IMO taking the piss by wanting him to pay for childcare on top especially as she has 70%? of it paid by HMRC. The only person set to gain in this is her, he however is struggling to maintain his home and provide for the children.
OP posts:
KoalaOok · 07/04/2021 19:52

There are bigger issues here than the tax credits!

CombatBarbie · 07/04/2021 19:58

Ok you need to address it. Quite frankly I'd suggest week on/off and she's responsible for childcare in her week. DH gets to up his hours and stop the bloody maintenance. Is he a high earner that can afford to work 2 days a week?

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