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Original poster

Feeling resentful

6 replies

Funfairballoon · 07/04/2021 13:20

Not even sure why I'm posting. Just feeling so resentful. I have sacrificed so much in this relationship for dps children, and now I feel it was all for nothing because we have no contact with one and very little with the other. I feel I've done a disservice to myself and my own child, and had I known this would happen I would have made very different decisions.

Can anyone suggest how I can get over this? I'm starting to feel bitter about it and wallow in my own self pity which I know isn't going to help me.

OP posts:
Aimee1987 · 07/04/2021 13:34

Well what happened? How old are the SC? If there teens I wouldn't get too worked up teens dont like spending time with parents and prefer to hang out with friends.

Original poster
Funfairballoon · 07/04/2021 13:42

They are both teenagers. We have little contact with the younger one, he moved out when we said no to him staying at his girlfriend's 5 nights a week at 14. He went back to live with his mum because she didn't have a problem with it.

I understand he is older now and has his own life, and that's fine, but his grades are shit, he's about to fail his gcses, he won't engage with us about it. When he lived here we all worked really hard, his behaviour was great, grades were good, was allowed to see his gf as much as he wanted but just not allowed to stay over as above etc. I feel like all the effort was a waste of time because he's thrown it all away. He is a bright kid.

The older one we haven't seen for years because her mum told her lots of awful things (not true) about me and dp. We tried to get her to see a councillor to work through her issues but her mum wouldn't let her attend, did let the younger one weirdly but it did help him and obviously our relationship was fine. Last we heard directly from her was when I was pregnant she threatened the life of our unborn baby. Dp is hurt by the whole thin obviously and has tried her her many many times over the years but she won't engage with him. Her mum still stands by everything she said.

OP posts:
Aimee1987 · 07/04/2021 13:45

Oh OP that sounds really tough. I agree that it's crazy to essentially allow 2 14 year olds to move in together.
Unfortunetly there is nothing you can do. Keep the door open and they may return.

Original poster
Funfairballoon · 07/04/2021 14:04

The door is certainly open, for them both, although unsure how I feel towards the older one. Obviously my son has never met her. He has a lovely relationship with the younger one, I hope that will continue even though they don't see each other so frequently.

OP posts:
justamushypea · 09/04/2021 15:54

I think you need to detach from the problem with the older ones. You clearly did your best for them at the time and it won't help to get upset and worry about it now.
My DSD is looking set to fail all her GCSE's and I have no idea where she will end up. I've tried encouraging her to work hard and even helped her look at college courses etc but it's a losing battle and all she wants to do is see her boyfriend and smoke week all day long. DH gets so frustrated with her but her Mum doesn't seem to care so she carries on.
My mantra now is "not my circus not my monkeys".

Focus on your son and let them get on with it.

User5747384 · 09/04/2021 16:08

I agree with PP, Can you try and look on it as a positive that you don't have to have much to do with the Ex anymore?
Surely that's worth celebrating Grin

You tried your best and that's all you can do.

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