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Step-parenting

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So, we’re 16yrs in...

6 replies

HeraInTheHereAndNow · 03/04/2021 18:47

I posted a lot on here, years ago.

I married a man who’d been divorced 5 years. His wife had left him. He had three teenagers. I had one child who was 9 when we married. I relocated with my child two weeks before the marriage. We never lived together as we had 150 miles between us so, it was all done in one fell swoop.

DH’s teen son (18) wouldn’t acknowledge me but then, he’d stopped talking to his dad when dad started to move on from the marriage. His eldest daughter was lovely and welcoming (19). Youngest (14) was hard work but, I did understand it was hard for the and hoped it’d get better. It did until youngest refused contact for 5 yrs which was painful and shattering. Nearly split up DH and I.

One day, we all just started to “get on”. Even his youngest DD returned and we’ve had a few years of contact which has been just easy and lovely.

Now, eldest dd has had our first grandchild. Wonderful. Thanks to lockdown, we’ve only seen him 3 times in 9 months. We saw them, first opportunity, on Wednesday this week. We met up half way. Lovely day. Open air picnic. Photos. Great day.

In the evening, DSD sent us her photos. We sent them ours.

Then, DH showed me a photo shared on his and his kids What’s App. I’m not media savvy. It’s their own thing, separate from me. It’s fine. The photos he showed me from the WhatsApp, had comments about the people featured; everyone but me. Like, I’m STILL not included/the invisible woman.

I’m not sure why, but it’s really upset me. Now, 16 yrs into our marriage, I’m still not “part of it”. It was lovely that DSD shared the photos in the family “shared album” but the private one, between themselves? ... I didn’t exist.

Am I being silly?

OP posts:
SpaceshiptoMars · 03/04/2021 19:02

You are not being silly. But this situation is not unusual.Sad

HeraInTheHereAndNow · 03/04/2021 19:39

I’m not certain I can do any more. I’m not sure I want to.

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 03/04/2021 19:47

I don't think it's necessarily unreasonable for him to have a chat group with his kids but I can understand how it could make you feel. Not the same at all but DH has a chat group with his SIL and his DN x2. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not included but I generally just try not to let it bother me.

HeraInTheHereAndNow · 03/04/2021 20:07

@Ginger1982... they’ve always had it. It wouldn’t occur to me to want to be in it. It’s only that DH showed me the photo and I unwittingly saw the comment.

I’ve never ever tried to encroach on their foursome. Really, they’re all dead clever and I’m a bit thick so, I’d never keep up either 😂😂😂

OP posts:
Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo · 03/04/2021 21:37

Looking at it from their side, they were nearly adults when you entered their life and they do not see you as their stepmum but their Dads wife. This doesn't mean they are trying to exclude you but to them you aren't family, but perhaps a close family friend-style relationship instead. I know its easier said than done but don't take it personally. If there really was an issue on their part you wouldn't have been invited to the picnic for instance.

My Dad remarried when I was 20(ish). I get on with her fine and like her but she'll always just be my Dad's wife, not my stepmum.

HeraInTheHereAndNow · 03/04/2021 21:46

@Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo... thank you. You’re right, of course.

Then again, if I’d not been included, I think I’d be calling it a day 😂

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