Would love your thoughts on this. I am currently peri-menopausal, burnt out from lockdown and not sure whether I am coming or going at the moment.
I moved in with my partner 4 years ago. At the time his two daughters lived there FT. We have been together 7.5 years. I have a son who is now 10 and his daughters are 24 and 17. We took things v slow and dated for two years before we even mentioned a relationship to our kids. Before I moved in I broke it off, I wasn't sure if I could take on his girls and my son who has complex SN. I also had to leave my home area and close my business. So it was a big upheaval. The girls' mum literally lives at the end of our street but has basically tapped out being a parent.
The girls' came to live with my partner as she brought a flat, but didn't consider the fact she couldn't get the youngest to school on time (1 hour extra journey each way). The oldest moved in with her mum about two years ago. She has bad MH and has been an in-patient, I have had to clear up countless suicide attempts so my partner doesn't get upset and generally been there through an utterly awful time. I have been a mother to the youngest for the last four years. However, I suspect she is autistic for a number of reasons. My partner is really concerned,I researched through my network to get the best support for her but nothing has happened with it. Her behaviour affects the whole house.
I have worked at building a healthy relationship with both girls. Ignoring some rudeness and strange behaviour as I know the change must have been hard. Despite all of this they constantly fall out with me for no reason. However, it is the same behaviour they display to my partner and the mum, it's a weird bullying tactic, e.g. 'you ignored me when I was sat in my car on the road outside the house', leads to weeks of the silent treatment. I won't be bullied or disrespected as the adult in this house.
The younger daughter, has never spent more than 2 nights away EOW in 4 years. Me and my partner never get a break. Their mum never offers to have her. When my partner was travelling abroad her mum promised to help look after her but she kept coming back to the house. It's fine it's her home. However, a 'is it ok if she comes back for a few days, did you have plans?' would be appreciated. I have a good 'working relationship' with the mum and have always respected her views and opinions. There is this expectation I am always her to fill the gaps.
I am on my knees. I just want a few days, just me and my partner in the house. My son has blocks of time with his dad in the holidays, up to two weeks in the summer. He is a beautiful boy but very hardwork and can be challenging because of his needs. I always have to be on my toes, so I am glad of a break, although I miss him. Yet, I am still having to cook/ clean etc and never fully relax and I work full time.
I asked for his daughter to go to her mum for a few days over Easter and he brushed it off. Despite my constant low mood. Last night I felt so bad I could t sit at the table and eat with them. Yes, yes, I knew what I was getting into. There is never a break though. My partner's mum and dad. Totally get it and are super supportive, but my partner won't listen to anyone.
His mum told him the youngest should be here two weeks and with her mum one week, but my partner ignores all this. I told him I was leaving the other week, but he smooths it over for a couple of days and we go back to the old ways.
WWYD if you were me?