I need a good talking to I think! (But please don’t be harsh as my anxiety is through the roof😕 ) I become highly highly anxious when my 16 y o DS spends time in the company of his half sister (DH’ daughter) She’s 30 and has 2 LOs, just moved house so my DS has been helping with painting etc along with my DH.
The back story : (I’ll try to keep brief!) I’ve been with my DH for 18 years since his DD was young. I never liked the way his children who lived with their mum n step dad were brought up . They were v v spoilt with material things by their mum n step dad, really naughty and disrespectful to both their dad and grandparents at times but I knew I was marrying into this and have always tried hard to be a good SM to them and encourage their dad to maintain a good relationship with them, which he has to this day. I feel they have always liked me and respected me(more so than their dad when they were younger) But they were brought up very differently to our children and their views, morals etc are very different to ours. I am, by nature a caring, sensitive type and have tried to bring our sons up to also be considerate and caring. They are well-mannered young men (9 n 16) and haven’t been spoilt. We have always tried to teach them about the value of things and make them aware of others less fortunate than themselves etc etc. Basically what I’m saying is that our views, outlook on life, morals etc are very different to theirs...(I would be here an age if I told you of the way DH’ ex wife has treated him over the years 😣)
Back to the present day, i suppose I thought all the stress of being a step parent, ex wife etc would fade once the step children were adults themselves but it hasn’t and I do realise it’s ME creating this stress all on my own in my own head! I feel so anxious that my son is going to be influenced by sister (her nature is very much like her mum’s) and enjoy being with her and her way of life more than he does at home with us. It is irrational and a part of me just wants to not let him spend time with her but I know I can never do that. I think it’s hard now that she’s an adult and he’s 16 (gaining independence n naturally breaking away from us) so we don’t have the same ‘control’ (that sounds awful I know) over them as when they were young. Whilst he’s been in her company the last few days helping with the move my anxiety has been really really severe to the point I’ve not been able to even eat! It’s ridiculous I know but I get a horrid anxious feeling that I just can’t shake and spend the whole time that he’s in her company, feeling dreadful. I’m not sure if DS can tell something is wrong. I try my best to sound upbeat about him spending time and helping her out etc.
Please could someone (gently) help me to rationalise and calm my fears that they’re going to transform him into ‘one of them’!!😣🙈 sorry this is so lengthy!