Really upset and disappointed with how things have turned out .

[Lifesforloving1]

Hi all ,
Some friendly advice please ,
My step daughter is 10 , I’ve been in her life for 9 years so we know each other pretty well.
Her mum unfortunately makes a lot of bad choices in her life . ( but it’s still her mum and she loves her of course. )
Step daughter has a lovely little bedroom here at our house. We try to make everything all fun and happy, a ( family home)
Over the past month she has started playing us all off a bit . ( more so her mum and dad) however. Now she has started saying she’s not comming to our house anymore because we are “strict”
We are really not.

At her mums , ( where she lives with her 2 brothers ) their personal hygiene standards are very different to us. And that’s the way her mum likes to raise the children.
When she comes to us . Our standers are diffrent. She will be expected to clean her teeth, shower ect. Because that’s the way it should be !
Step daughter does not like being told.
What worries me is she can be very controlling, and does lie. I work in a school & would hate for sometime to be twisted about me. ?
My husband is so upset about it all.
( as I am ) it has been to court 3 times.
Last weekend step daughters mum called the police on my husband as he went to collect her. ( he has a court order ) he has decided to step away now as it’s causing so much stress and upset .

I’m sorry, is something missing from this. Why were the police called on hour husband? And how is she playing you off against each other, and why’s your husband so upset? All you’ve said is you have different hygiene standards.

She will get better by year 8 as they usually want to look nicer and make the effort with hygiene

Amazing twist at the end there OP - a court order? The police were called? Not sure this is about whether she's showering or not...

How long are her visits? Offer the option of a shower but if she doesn't want to, fine. Age 10 I wouldn't have thought it matters too much over a weekend. Brushing teeth - well that's fairly normal expectations.

He has a court order for contact I imagine. I would leave it for now then as it’s getting so fraught and step back.

Is your being strict just asking her to shower and brush her teeth?

I work in a school & would hate for sometime to be twisted about me.

Has she made accusations against you? In what way is she controlling?

In your DH stepping back, does that mean he's not going to see his DD anymore?

What do you mean by 'step away' and why were the police called?