Meeting Partner’s children

[Wideeyed66]

Hi, I am in a relationship with a single dad and we have a long term plan of living together and we are planning to re introduce me to the kids soon (they know me as I used to be a neighbour). We have a plan to introduce me slowly, but I wanted to ask other people’s experience of how they handled initial meetings and questions? Did you get introduced as a “friend” or a girlfriend from the outset? The eldest is a very inquisitive 5yr old and I’m wondering the best way to introduce me in this new context, with the least confusion for her and her sibling.

Thanks!

Hi OP, this is just my experience I'm not a professional in children's development.

My SC were small and we still introduced me as Daddy's girlfriend because it was the truth and we thought the term friend would be more confusing as their dad also had lots of other friends who weren't going to become step mum if all went well. Their dad was asked straight up what is a girlfriend and age appropriately answered questions from the eldest who was tiny....eg a girlfriend is a special lady you like to spend time with more than any other grown up lady.

We did lots of casual low key things together and built up slowly. If they already know you and are older he could explain beforehand that you were friends and are now boyfriend and girlfriend and if they she is inquisitive he could start including you in theory in his chats with them (when you're not there, before you meet) eg I am meeting X to go for a walk. This has worked well for friends with more switched on or older SC and has been less confusing and a bombardment than a woman "friend" suddenly joining them for a picnic!

Best of luck and hope all goes well. Exciting times.

Thank you so much for the response, this is really useful, it is exciting, and terrifying

My advice would depend quite a bit on their ages, how long their Dad has been living apart from them and how often he sees them.

Generally, a short initial intro - maybe walk in the park - but then they go home with their dad and next time you build to a coffee and then maybe some games and then dinner etc etc - a little extra each time if things are going well.

But they should always get lots of 2:1 and 1:1 time with their Dad.

Thank you, yes that’s the sort of build up we’d discussed I just wanted to see if we were on the right track, and of course they will still get lots of time with him on their own. Thanks again

I was introduced as a friend at first, and then after about 6 months told her I was now his girlfriend, but tbh even at the age of 4 she was intuitive to have guessed and was totally happy about it. 6 years later, we're all happy and I also have a 1yo!

I remember being extremely nervous, so good luck!