Step-children and vaccine

[Littlepaws18]

Ok I can foresee a problem here with the vaccine. Have two step-children primary age, who primarily live with their mum. Now throughout the whole pandemic she has refused to wear a mask, has mixed with friends, parents, had princess party for her daughter in lockdown, has an exemption neck thing which is no doubt bought off Amazon.

She hasn't had the virus, knows no one close to her who has, so feels the virus is a con and if exists 'is only flu'.

Transversely we have been so careful, three members of my family have died and one of my closest friends who worked in a hospital died very recently. Covid has destroyed the people I care for deeply.

So had a conversation with SS who informs me his mom will never let him get the vaccine. This is going to end in court I reckon I just can't see how this is going to be resolved. Any suggestions?

@TrustTheGeneGenie
I suggested that the husband have an attorney review the wording of the actual order to see what the limitations are. This is probably not the first time that such issues have been raised and a good attorney should be able to tell him what Courts have held in similar cases.
I know that the Courts will not force the mom to get her children vaccinated, but I would doubt that they would be willing to punish or penalize the other parent for doing so. If there were any real risk of liability , it might fall on the physician or hospital for failure to properly document the parents right to obtain service.

As a parent, I would not knowingly and willingly fail to get medical treatment that I felt to be necessary for my child simply because the other parent had a different point of view or religious objection.

I would however strongly suggest that the OP's husband seek a legal consultation before taking any action. He may be better positioned than he realizes.

You are right in that it won't be the first difficult challenging situation we have faced as a family (and when I say family I mean both sides of it!) and courts have been involved in the past. So my reaction is to fight I suppose. However, I need to realise and that's why mumsnet can be a really good tool for this (hearing the things you def don't want to hear!) that my perspective is not always right, or my approach can be improved.

In order for lives to come back to normal and to have a life with the vulnerable people in our respected families this is an important issue and also the health and well-being of the children. I still am unaltered on that and I can't see how as I says earlier this is an issue to agree to disagree on.

But what I do take onboard is my attitude! It can be quite uncompromising at times and I do have a tendency to approach situations with fight the fight attitude. This isn't always right, and I think after a moment of taking a step back and reading your advice a more sympathetic approach is needed. Ultimately we all want the best for our children and our families and I suppose this is the common ground we will use to work on this situation when and if it arises.

I was in the first round of the Oxford trial - for me it was an easy decision and I have no regrets.

Our children has made me think - spoke with EX their DF and we had a sensible discussion about pros and cons. interestingly, I was the more concerned and I work in the NHS and had taken a truly experimental vaccine! In the end we asked the DCS and they both said yes - when. At 11 and 13 they understood far more than I had thought they would - overall view point was we could not make decisions for them on this point - it was their health and their lives. ( one borders on CEV)

it was actually a good example of responsible co parenting as I thought EX might go all anti vaxxer on me which he has been in the past. Amazing how a global pandemic can focus the mind.

I am now 9 months post vaccine - not had COVID, not grown a third leg, developed any other issues or become a Zombie!

@bogoffmda

I was in the first round of the Oxford trial - for me it was an easy decision and I have no regrets.

Our children has made me think - spoke with EX their DF and we had a sensible discussion about pros and cons. interestingly, I was the more concerned and I work in the NHS and had taken a truly experimental vaccine! In the end we asked the DCS and they both said yes - when. At 11 and 13 they understood far more than I had thought they would - overall view point was we could not make decisions for them on this point - it was their health and their lives. ( one borders on CEV)

it was actually a good example of responsible co parenting as I thought EX might go all anti vaxxer on me which he has been in the past. Amazing how a global pandemic can focus the mind.

I am now 9 months post vaccine - not had COVID, not grown a third leg, developed any other issues or become a Zombie!

Thanks for this alternative view. Again another thing to consider- the children's own view point. I know it sounds odd that I haven't considered that, more looked at the wider picture. I think they need to definitely understand and be educated on this subject too. But obviously in a fact based way. They don't necessarily have the adult skills of evaluating and analysis but they are all intelligent kids with voices.

Also thanks for the hope!

Absolutely agree re understanding. They both surprised us with their knowledge and understanding of the issues.

Like eldest I have a number of health issues which put me in the high risk and i discussed having the vaccine with them at the time. We discussed all the high risk factors for a bad covid outcome and i have all, but being over 80 and male! They wanted me to sign up - so i did,

At the end of the day they would both have been assessed as Gillick competent by a court. I surprised my self at not being decisive on it which i would normally have been,

That said I suspect she may well decide to get it and her son if it becomes a wide spread vaccination.

She might so best sit tight and see if she comes to it all by herself. If the issue is raised now she'll probably take the opposite stance to you then double down and refuse the vax forever, just to be thran.

@powershowerforanhour

That said I suspect she may well decide to get it and her son if it becomes a wide spread vaccination.

She might so best sit tight and see if she comes to it all by herself. If the issue is raised now she'll probably take the opposite stance to you then double down and refuse the vax forever, just to be thran.

I think you are right about this. Life with/ without the vaccine next year I imagine will be very different and challenging if you don't have it. So sit tight and see what happens. Take it from there.

But the vaccine will be part of our lives I can't see how we can mix like we used to do with vulnerable relatives without it. Yes I know they will have had it, but it's not a magic wand that shields us, we will still have a 25% chance of catching a milder strain and mutant strains like the South African one have not been as effective with the vaccine. And it will kill my dad if he gets it, too many people have died in my life from it to dismiss it as a illness which can easily be overcome.

I'm in Scotland and ECV myself (Dd not ECV). She's 7 and I got a letter offering her the vaccine last week as we share a household. A few people I know are also requesting the vaccine for their dc on the basis they visit ECV grandparents (the letter says you should share a house most days but the truth is being stretched in those cases to get the vaccine).

My point is, it is licensed for under 12s and is rolled out in priority order. The letter I received from nhs Scotland said this is just the first phase of rolling it out to kids

Do they not go by what the child wants after certain age? Of not can dad give the school the permission they need?

As your stepchild had ANY vaccines? I'd be a bit concerned in case it's not just the Covid vaccine she has issues with. I think dad needs to establish this now.

Zombie thread