How to make step-daughter feel welcome

[Katyey]

This seems quite confusing to explain.

My DH and his ex had a baby (she is now 14) when they were only 17. She was raised by her mom and only really sees my DH once a month or so (we live quite far away). However, her mom has recently got into a lot of trouble and DSD is now no longer able to live with her. So she is going to move in with us next week.

I haven’t really had chance to develop a relationship with my DSD as she normally prefers to spend time just with her dad, which is understandable.

My DH is not DS’s bio dad (my DS is 16) but they’ve got a brilliant relationship. However, I started dating my DH when we were 18 (my DS was 3). My DH thinks that I will be able to develop this sort of relationship with his DD but I’m not sure he understands how worried I am.

In addition to this, I am also pregnant again (DH and I also have 4 other, young children) and I am worried that DSD is going to feel even more distanced from me. Can anyone give me any advice? Sorry for rambling!

If there are younger children in the house you need to make sure she has a space where she can go to where she won't be bothered by them.

Also you and your DH need to discuss now what rules and boundaries you are giving both teenagers over behaving with the younger children, chores, going out, partners staying over, etc. Bear in mind his daughter is older than your son so should have more leeway as she will be 18 much sooner. However she can't treat your home like a dosshouse and neither can your son.

Other than that just your be nice, welcoming and friendly self as relationships with people don't form over night they take months and years.

Thank you, we definitely do need to have strict rules set out. I’m not sure I explained it clearly though, she’s 14, my son is 16 xx

Obviously we will make sure she has her own space. We already have her room how she wanted it for when she stayed over, so hopefully that’ll make it more homely for her!

Aw you seem really nice. I would just let her lead the way to forming a relationship. She's only known her mum to raise her and it will probably be very hard for her all the disruption. Just give her space and time and don't force a relationship. Include her in things but if she doesn't want to then let her know that's OK to. Let it go at her pace. Being split up from her mum will probably impact her a lot so don't try and over compensate too much and try and be her mum.
I think you will be fine, you sound really considerate :)