Step parenting

[MrsP1978]

Evening...
Struggling to find anything specific so asking the question!! Nearly 18yo SD (to be! We're engaged but not married yet) lives with her father. I am in a relationship with him- for 5.5yrs. We cant live together at the moment as neither house is big enough. I have 3 children from previous marriage, youngest DD is 10. DS 11 and 14.
Partner puts needs of his only DD above any of the needs of my children despite being nearly 18, even my youngest. Should I be wary? I have warning signs in my head!!

I think you need to elaborate.

If you're already unhappy with your situation, don't marry or move in with him. It won't magically improve.

You live apart so it’s natural you’re each prioritising your own children who you live with.

What are you expecting him to do for your children?

What are his DD’s plans? Uni? Moving out or staying put? Loads of young adults carry on living at home for years.

Warning signs about what? Is he unkind to your children? Is she?

He's always going to put his daughters needs first just like you're bound to putting your children's need first as well. You can't honestly be expecting him to not have a home/room for his daughter on the basis she is 18? Are you going to remove your children their room at the same age?

I think it's natural he would consider his own child first - people generally do. Does he engage with your children much? Have they met his daughter? What is the dynamic like between them? How do you and her get along? All important considerations before taking the next step.

Please write, what exactly you don’t like. It’s natural his daughter goes first to him, like your children go first to you.

Is this in the context of planning to move in together (is that the plan?)?

Is it that he - thinks his dd’s needs are the priority? More info needed!

Obv your gut is saying something...

Can you give examples?

I'd be more worried if he put your children first right now to be honest. He lives alone with his daughter, he's supposed to look out for her.

I think you need to give examples for anyone to be able to help.

I’m with the others. Give specifics

I mean right now he lives with her, not with you.
What is your expecting! That isn’t happening?

I mean without specifics I would say one thing. If you have misgivings / doubts before on. Isolate what they are and talk to your partner.

Hi, I’ve never been on here before and could do with some advice. I have two step children who have lived with myself and my husband for three years. Both are teenagers, one boy one girl. I’ve never been able to have children myself. I love them both dearly but I feel incredibly isolated and lonely as the children absolutely adore their dad. I’m glad they do, but it causes problems when they won’t accept my word for anything unless he endorses it and if myself and my husband have a difference of opinion they’ll take his side, even when I’m proved right. I don’t expect them to choose between us, but I feel like even though I am the main caregiver, feeder and cleaner, I am virtually invisible and my opinion invalid. I don’t know how to be heard. I’ve tried talking to my husband about it, but he’s taken it personally as an attack on the kids. I don’t know if I can keep on like this. I feel so upset, but I don’t want it translating into the kids.

@JaneFComan Hi, your situation sounds really tough and I would love to give advice, as I'm sure would many others, but you should click on "start new thread", as it will gain more responses than putting your comment on an existing thread.

All the best x