@Xxppxxx
No you’re not being a massive bitch. Her behaviour towards you is not ok... whether that’s as a result of poor boundaries or her trying to get your attention it is not your problem to fix.
The argument... how did it go? Over the years I’ve found myself letting my DP’s kids get away with far more bad behaviour that I would my own children.
But more recently I feel like something inside me has snapped and I now tell him exactly how I feel about certain behaviours and situations. Particularly as we now live with each other and their behaviour directly impacts me more.
At the weekend I lost it (not in front of or within earshot of his kids) but I told him I thought he and his ex were doing a shit job of parenting and that’s why the kids act like rude, entitled brats a lot of the time.
We rowed and during the argument he shouted “Well what would you do?!”
So I told him. I told him exactly where he was going wrong and what I think he needs to do to put it right.
He was annoyed at first but by the next morning after he’d had time to think about it, he relented and agreed to try some of the things I suggested.
I also made it clear that regardless of how he or his ex choose to parent their kids I am perfectly entitled to uphold/enforce my own personal boundaries and those of my children.
Basically, he can keep being an ineffective parent if he wants but I will no longer tolerate rude, entitled or aggressive behaviour towards me, my children or in my home.
I told his ex the same.
And I stuck to it. His kids were rude, I snapped at them and told them I will not be spoken to like them, not to use such language in front of my kids (eldest was swearing) and I also told the 16yo that the way she spoke to my partner in an unacceptable way.
I emphasised “He may be your dad but he is my fiancé and I wouldn’t tolerate any other woman talking to him like that in my presence and I won’t tolerate it from you”.