Pocket money for dsc or savings?

[Pleaseaddcaffine]

A change of pace I hope compared to some step parent posts.
I have one ds who I save for sale out of my income. He's only a toddler but I save very regularly for him, I'm hoping this will be used when he's 18 for driving lessons and if enough some money towards his uni fees or rent of first place etc etc.
For my dsc neither dp or his exw save forthem at all. Their choice but they do get birthsya/Xmas money on both sides and pocket money from exw household weekly. They don't get pocket money from dp but some money eg if we go away on holiday etc as spends. The dsc are 9, 10 and 13.
I've suggested rather than pocket money here, as we only have them eow and one or two nights a week that dp saves a set amount evry month for driving lessons or similar.
That way one parent is doing everyday pcoket money and the other saving for a future expense to benefit the children.
Obviously dp would have to do this and I'm not getting involved beyond recommending it and helping set up accounts or similar.

Does that sound like a good idea?

Yes in theory but I do think it's weird your partner has never given them any pocket money before.

OR saved.

Why hasn't he ever given his children pocket money?

Causes he's honestly rubbish with money. He's never saved a penny for our joint ds and seems to bizarily resent that I have (from my own money) . He gives them money on holiday so I spoose that's pocket money and they get pocket money off his mum at a quick or so a week. But nothing else.

It’s a nice idea OP but I would absolutely leave it up to him to pull his finger out and organise it.

He should do both IMHO.

Personally I would but it isn't anything to do with me other than advising. At least with the savings they get something they need at the end, driving lessons helped me a lot at 18 as meant I could find work and be more independent esp as all of us live reasonably rural.

Why does he resent you saving for your own son?

He always says he's joking but evertime the statement comes he's constantly saying
' he's got more money than me' "we could go on holiday with that' or he's only 2 what does he need that for.
Just feels resentful and a bit off, but I may be being unfair.

You aren’t being unfair at all. If you can afford to save for your child without making sacrifices day to day then it’s brilliant and the responsible thing to do.

DH puts the same amount away every month for his older two and our shared DC. He saved for my DSC from the day they were born and carried on post divorce. They get pocket money for outings and holidays. No idea what their mum does, that’s her business.

Tbh if he’s already being shitty - he’s not joking, you know that - about you saving for your son I wouldn’t discuss any of this with him. He’s been a parent for 13 years, plenty of time to think about all of this, and if he can’t be arsed then it’s not your job. He knows he could save a bit for all of his DC and has decided not to. He’s rubbish with money but no reason your child should miss out when you’re not.

Don’t show him the statements. Don’t discuss it.

I think the savings idea is good, but it should really be something your DP has thought of.

As for PPs saying they should also be getting pocket money - I completely disagree. I never got pocket money as a child (we were incredibly poor, so it was just not possible). However, it made me appreciate birthday/Christmas money and I'm now very sensible with how I spend my earnings.

Neither of DP's DC get pocket money from him, although DSS is at secondary school and when he reaches certain milestones with 'achievement points' he gets some money. I don't think he gets pocket money from his DM, but I don't know. DSD does get pocket money from her DM and spends it on endless shit that seems to be brought to us every time she comes and then gets totally ignored.

It is a nice idea but there’s only so much you can do.
My DS2 was stillborn last year and we decided to claim on our life insurance and give the money equally to DS1 and DSD. A decent little 4 figure amount as a special gift from their brother when they turn 18.
DS money has been invested in a stocks and shares ISA for weeks now and DSDs is languishing in a 0.1% cash savings account (a joint account in both our names, not even a kids account with better rates).
I’m so tempted to just get his NI number and sort it myself but it’s not really my place is it?
You can lead a horse to water and all that.

Personally I don't think you should be encouraging your DH to save for just DSC, he should be saving for your child too if he's going to save for any of them. But as others have said, savings in general are a good idea but if he doesn't see it that way then I would just leave him to it.

Yeah pod point. I meant in general saving for all the children.

I think I'd switch your child's statements to paperless and never mention them again.

I think it's odd that in 13 years he's never thought to put away anything for his children, even £5 a month would have covered driving lessons or something significant as an adult.

Dh and I saved for our dd by having a monthly direct debit set up from our joint account. Would your husband be happy with this arrangement?

My guess is that this goes a lot deeper here though.

No joint account so that wouldn't work. I've pointed out saving would help generally. Eg not putting holiday spending money on credit card but saving for it. I pay for the holidays as a rule but he has to being spends for himself and the 3 older ones.
It seems strange to me but I think him and exw are the same, eg don't save in gernal.
Mind you I don't think that's unusual in itself as lots of people I know don't seem to save really

You pay for 4 kids and him to go on holiday?

It's in the UK only, so very cheap end!We went abroad once and paid 50:50, although that was me sub him due o more kids. Its fine, I don't really mind. I do worry about savings though

Well, fair enough if you are comfortable with it. But from an outsider's perspective it doesn't sound like he's paying his or his kids way. Paired with negative comments about you saving for your son, I wouldn't be impressed.

I can't do much about his income level and fact I earn more sadly. I want us all to go away to be fair and I take my son on top of that just with me or grandparents etc.
The saving thing is a niggle of mine, I was brought up with the save what you can attitude.

I hope he'll be so quick to tell your DC that the savings are all yours when you hand them over, as he is to make digs about them.

Yes' you can only suggest and then leave him to it.

I think his attitude to your DS’s savings is poor. He should be proud that you’ve done this and not make a negative out of it. I think the PPs saying don’t show him the statements are spot on.

I spoke to him casually about saving for all 4 kids. He says I can't afford it. I asked what about driving lessons or similar when their older as their mum has said she won't be funding it... He said we'll I will be. I asked how if not saved and he said that's what the credit cards for!
I find that beyond outrageous but maybe I shouldn't.

No, it is a little bit. If he’s so utterly strapped for cash that he can’t afford to start puting even a little bit away now, can he guarantee he could even get enough credit at the time?
He’s just told you he has no interest in responsible financial planning. Making sure your own child’s interests are protected from this idiocy was a good move. Just don’t be tempted to start paying for them when their own parents won’t

Don't worry I won't.
I pay for our holidays normally as I think it's nice in the UK, cheapish and once a year.
Rest goes to ds. Savings, life insurance to ensure he's cared for if anything happens to me or him in terms of illness.
It's just a shame for the older siblings