Introducing new baby

[peonyrose87]

My DH and I are expecting a baby in the next few weeks. My DSS is almost 5 and is super excited about the baby, has been actively involved in preparing for their arrival and talks about baby often.

We have him 50% of the week, so I'm just looking for some tips/advice on making the transition into being a big brother a bit easier for him. I have no doubts that he'll mostly be ok, but it will still be a big change for him.

He has an older sibling at his mum's house so is used to the sibling dynamic, but for almost 4 years he has had his dad and I's full attention when at our house, so it is going to be different for him! Thanks 🙂

If Dad is changing a nappy then ask him to get out the wipes. If Dad is doing a feed, ask him to get the muslin or bib. If Dad is dressing them then he can get the stuff out. Ours is a bit older but he has absolutely loved getting to be a big brother and join in with all of the new things. We make sure he gets lots of baby cuddles when he wants them and we let him push the pram regularly but I know not everyone allows children to push the pram. Just enjoy it all...they adapt so much better than we could ever imagine

My DSS was a little older (7) when we went through this.
I would say keep him as involved as possible and try to keep whatever routine is in place so same number of night at dads that he would normally have.
As much as possible try and prioritise some DSS time from both you and dad to do some of his favourite activities.

We had a bit of issues with attention seeking behaviour which was probably compounded by lockdown happening very soon after the baby arrived. We have set up boundaries about what's appropriate and what's not and hes doing alot better. Hope your DSS adjusts well.

I think it helps to refer to the baby as "ours", as in all of ours. Give DSS a sense of ownership and, therefore, importance. Ask his opinions on things regarding the new baby. Make him feel valued. I think the fact you've posted this, means you are going get everything just right.

@MaMisled yes the baby is very much "ours" in his mind, and has been since we told him so that's good!! He's picked toys and clothes, helped pick the pram etc. I think he'll be great but he's such a good wee lad I just want to make sure he's as well supported as possible!

@Aimee1987 it's attention seeking behaviour that I think might happen, which is 100% normal after the introduction of a baby into any family dynamic. We've already said he'll still have swimming time with dad, and me and him like to go for cake etc so he'll still get those things (obviously after lockdown), and we have a pretty good routine that hopefully we can still stick to at home. Thank you!

When my daughter was born, my son was only 2yrs 4 months old, so I would sit on the sofa with him whilst he held the baby -one of my arms around him and my other arm helping him hold her- and I would just talk to him and "ignore" the baby for a while. I would ask him about his day, what animals he likes, dinosaurs, whatever, but the conversation would be all about him. I think it was a great way for him to bond with his sister and feel left out due to the excutment and craziness of a new baby. It can be really hard on children to suddenly have to share the spotlight. My kids are both in their 20's now and they have always had a very close relationship.

When I had DD I bought a present for her from her big brother, he loved that she bought it, he still talks about it.

I don't have any advice for you OP but just wanted to say how refreshing it is to read a thread involving step children where the step mother isn't moaning or making out that they're a burden.
Well done you and good luck with everything x

I think it’s just about keeping his normal routine as far as possible and sharing attention as much as you can. We found that easier with newborn DD compared to as she got older as a one year old demands attention in a different way to a newborn

@Aquamarine1029 those are great tips, thank you! Definitely need to ensure he still gets lots of attention and chats!

@MonkeyPuddle oh that's a great idea! Thank you, we'll do that!

@hashbrownsandwich thank you, that's lovely! I've been in his life since he was 1yo and we have a fab relationship. Just want him to be happy and settled!

@user1493413286 oh yes you have a point about it being different when baby is more mobile and demanding!

I’d buy your DSS a little gift from the baby. Something he would really like. Love some the ideas on here about him helping and sharing.

Obviously lots of 1:1 time with his Dad, too. Maybe a regular activity they can so together (although tricky in lockdown).

My DS brought my DSD a new charm for her charm bracelet - the Pandora one which says “sisters, you might not always see them but you know they are always there”. It was sort of like her badge for her “promotion” to big sister and she loves it!
Maybe you could get one of the matching t shirt and baby gro sets - big brother and little brother/ sister? DSD loves that too, showed that DS was hers.
Other than that we let her help with everything pretty much, she read stories, passed wipes, fed bottles - they only thing she see the line at was poo nappies and who can blame her