SS isolating

[monicagellar123]

My partners son (10) is currently isolating due to his mother having covid. Partner is not able to see him for 10 days, he usually sees him every few days. My partner has said that he wouldn't feel right coming over to mine and spending time with me and my son (also 10) whist he's unable to see his own. I don't really know what I'm asking, I'm just feeling a bit upset and I'm not sure if it's justified?

That's wierd imo why can't he see you? He's not choosing time with you over hsi son. His son can't legally see him due to a national pandemic. I'd be annoyed tbh

Yeah he needs to realise life goes on. Guilty father syndrome stricks again

I think if his son is upset then I can understand him being reluctant to then spend time with you and your son

I’d let the idiot wallow in his own self pity. He’ll soon be lonely.

@frustrationcentral ahhh I forgot. If SCs are ever upset by something out of either theirs or their father’s control then all must suffer.

Pathetic

It's completely irrational but I kind of get what he means.

It's like I remember feeling really guilty for going on a trip that my dsis had to pull out off because she was ill (pre-covid obviously!).

Me going had no impact on her.... but I still felt bad for enjoying myself with friends when she couldn't 🤷‍♀️

I guess that kind of guilt is worse when it's your child missing out?

He's just upset for his son so won't be good company anyway.

He’s being irrational but you’ll have loads of people somehow making it your fault!

I dated someone like this.
He said he couldn't imagine living with me as I had kids and he would feel guilty on his own son.
He put me off of him.
Someone holding back from embracing your children using an excuse of his own child doesn't bode well for the future.
Really I think he had commitment issues.

He's still single a decade later the typical man on a dating site holding a fish.
Glad I didn't date him for long.
You can do better OP.

@Pippa234 holding a fish that did make me chuckle

@SpongebobNoPants

I’d let the idiot wallow in his own self pity. He’ll soon be lonely.

@frustrationcentral ahhh I forgot. If SCs are ever upset by something out of either theirs or their father’s control then all must suffer.

Pathetic

I dunno, for the sake of 10 days and the choice between upsetting a child or upsetting an adult (who will understand the situation more) then I know which I would choose. If there's more to the story and he's forever letting op down then that's different

Why would it upset his child though? That’s really unhealthy and not something I’d be willing to put up with.

It’s not worth the hassle!

@OhCaptain

Why would it upset his child though? That’s really unhealthy and not something I’d be willing to put up with.

It’s not worth the hassle!

Some children might be upset to not see their dad for 10 days? To then know that in the meantime he's having a great time with his partner and her child? It might not be a big deal to an adult, but it might be for a child. For the sake of 10 days I don't see the issue.

That's just my opinion though!

But he would have to be telling his son what a great time he was having without him!

And, just my opinion, but children in blended families should be helped to understand that life keeps ticking on when they’re with the other parent. It’s unhealthy and unsustainable for everything to just grind to a halt with NRP. Actually, there was a thread like that a while back and it was absolutely ridiculous!

Missing his dad for 10 days is grand and normal.

But dad thinking he couldn’t possibly see his partner and her family in that time? Madness!

Think it’s possibly the whole thing of it not being right to see more of your son than his own. I kind of get it. My bf now stays quite a lot and my ex only has kids once a week and EOW so she sees more of my bf than she does her own dad and feels a bit funny about that. However i would be bit gutted too in your situation. Why should you (and presumably your bf) miss out on seeing each other just because his son has to isolate??? Sounds strange. Wild horses wound to keep my bf away on “our” days .....

@OhCaptain

But he would have to be telling his son what a great time he was having without him!

And, just my opinion, but children in blended families should be helped to understand that life keeps ticking on when they’re with the other parent. It’s unhealthy and unsustainable for everything to just grind to a halt with NRP. Actually, there was a thread like that a while back and it was absolutely ridiculous!

Missing his dad for 10 days is grand and normal.

But dad thinking he couldn’t possibly see his partner and her family in that time? Madness!

My ex would absolutely not have held back telling DS what a great time he was having - not through spite, he just wouldn't have thought about the upset to DS

I don't know the full story of OP's situation, maybe he's a total knob, maybe he would have kept it quiet from DS, who knows. Personally I couldn't get bothered about this hopefully one off event.

In these circumstances, I'd be questioning his committment to your relationship.
Is it possible that he views the relationship as a convenience that suits him and provides a place to take his son to be looked after?

My exh was of a similar mindset... His exes were batshit and used dc as they saw fit... I had a proper court order in place for my dc. His resentment grew and grew.. At one point I was making excuses not to collect my dc as his anger /jealousy /disinterest was so obvious...
I say exh.

If he isn't happy for you having your dc because he hasn't got his I would see it as a red flag.
He could have seen it as an opportunity to nurture a relationship with your dc /you..

@MadinMarch He doesn't actually bring his son over to mine that often so I don't think it's that

I don't think I'd want to be with someone who behaved like your dp. Being sad to see his son in obviously understandable but the fact that he's sees it as a reason not to see you implies that in his head there's some sort of idea that his love is something you and his son compete for shares of. I've noticed this dynamic in some step families and I think it's unhealthy for everyone.

@KylieKoKo Yes I've always thought he has a slightly unusual way of looking at things when it comes to his son.

It's a sign of an unhealthy mindset surrounding the issue, so I don't blame you for feeling upset about it!

If a woman on this board posted that she was refusing to see her partner's child due to missing her own, she would get a whole bunch of abuse surely.

So if the partner’s son breaks his leg, should the OP’s son have his leg broken too, just so that it’s “fair”?

@Coffeepot72

So if the partner’s son breaks his leg, should the OP’s son have his leg broken too, just so that it’s “fair”?

Oh yes because that's exactly what OP's dp is saying, his son can't go out so OP and her son can't go out either