AIBU to think DH should stop referring to 'half brother'?

[GrownUpGrowingUp]

Our first joint DC is due very soon. My DSC are quite excited, regularly chat with us about their new sibling and seem genuinely interested and looking forward to it.

There's quite a large age gap which I think has helped, one DSC over 10 and the other about to be 10.

I just have a little niggle... Every time DH mentions it he always refers to the baby as 'half' so he'll say 'oh can you believe you'll have a half brother/sister soon' and so on...

AIBU to ask him to stop and just say 'brother or sister'.

I don't think it's necessary for us to specify the difference. The children understand they don't have exactly the same parents but I want us all to feel as included as possible. I understand the children may choose to call their sibling this, and that is up to them but so far they haven't and so I don't think DH should be?

What do you think?

My adult dc get enraged if anyone refers to younger siblings as half.
Your dh needs reminding that divides cause issues...

@CelestiaLudenberg I actually find that really sad. She does have more than one sister though doesn't she? I think you need to discuss with her how not calling her a sister could upset her and harm her feelings. At 9 she is of enough to understand.

He’s just being factual, he probably doesn’t realise why you’d feel sensitive to it.

I realise a lot of families prefer not to use the ‘half’ as it can feel divisive, but personally I’d rather lose the negativity associated with it instead so that people can be factual without it needing to offend anyone. My children have a half sibling who they have a great relationship with but I don’t think there’s a huge benefit from refusing to acknowledge the differences between half and full siblings. They can know that they are half siblings and it’s still special and important.

You’re right and he’s being weird. You need to get to the bottom of it and if he doesn’t mean anything by it he needs to stop.

I’ve got two DSC and one with DH and they all call each other brother or sister.

I've never liked it when my siblings were referred to as half, they're just my brothers and sisters

They can know that they are half siblings and it’s still special and important. My kids used to say they came out of the same womb so how could they be anything other than brothers and sisters. Not sure if that works the same with sharing a dad.

I didn't even meet my half-brother until we were teens and I refer to him as my brother unless there's some specific need to explain.

I just think this is beyond ‘factual’ and into pedantry. Plus there’s an enormous amount of baggage and judgement involved that isn’t just going to go away.

It’s like insisting on referring to someone as ‘his second wife’ at all times. Sure, it’s factual, and they’re both aware he was married before. But it’s not a fact that needs to be brought to the forefront at every opportunity. It just doesn’t matter that much.

@ancientgran

They can know that they are half siblings and it’s still special and important. My kids used to say they came out of the same womb so how could they be anything other than brothers and sisters. Not sure if that works the same with sharing a dad.

My DSC would say so, yes. DD is still a toddler so not into detail

Why haven’t you brought it up before now?

Hi..my daughter and son have different fathers..daughter never in touch with father due to DV and my son well his dad passed away when my son was 2..so all their lives they have referred to each other as brother and sister..i think its sick to say half brother/sister etc awful!! You need to nip this in the bud as they wont even know why etc.even at school kids used to say to my daughter is that your half brother..she used to say no its my full brother bless her ..x

My three have a half brother. He is and always will be their brother.

My dc have an older sister, it's not that we never say half but we only say it when it is relevant, every day chat she's called sister.

Your OH is weird and needs to drop the half terminology. I would have told him this the first time it was said and not let it carry on

I have a half-sister and I have never referred to her as anything but my sister to others, even to my family/friends who know we have different mums. We have a 14 year age gap so we’re not overly close nor am I particularly close to her mum. I think it would make me quite sad to think of her referring to me as her half-sister. I’m also (very) pregnant with my second child who has a different dad to my son and I hadn’t even considered using ‘half’ when we’ve been talking about the new baby and my son is 9 so clearly aware they have different dads.

I think it is quite sad he is labelling a difference before baby is even here.

Interesting. It’s weird and odd and in some way problematic, despite it being factual. Yet the factual ‘birth mum’, frequently defended on this forum is acceptable.

My DC's are 'half' and one of them also has a 'half' sister. I'd never call them half.

They are just all brothers and sisters, even with a 25 year age gap between two if them !

I think the children can decide for themselves. He’s using the correct term, if they choose to use something else they can.

My dh got quite upset when his sister said something about only being her half brother in a conversation and still holds it against her a little as they have same mum & have never refered to each other has half, and she never has since and has dc's now with 2 dads & refers as brother & sister.
After all if your re married you dpn't go around introducing everyone to hi this is xxxx my second husband , they don't need all details ypu jjust keep it simple

My little sister is my half sister - but to me she is very much my sister, my children are her niece and nephew.

We have a 16 year age gap and I can remember explaining to her when she was quite young that we have different mums but the same dad. She wanted to know why I was always going to my mums house if I was her sister and did that mean she had another mum somewhere as well.

She's a lovely little tot (well, she's 20 now and not so little anymore ) and I honestly think that part of the reason we have such a great relationship is because we had the distance of age and EOW physical space between us.

Do you think it might be a clumsy way of your DP reinforcing to his DC that there’s this distinction between them and their new baby brother/sister therefore there’ll be differences like him/her living with daddy full time whereas they can’t?

I don’t agree with it btw, just wondering if that might be a factor.

Speaks volumes about how he views your older children . I'd be worried about how this plays out over the years.

I think just mention it’s bothering you. I think he’s probably just saying it because technically correct, without thinking.

I have 2 half sisters, from my dads 2nd marriage, they are never called my half sisters they are my sisters. They refer to me as their sister