ss wont come to see his dad

[mylittleeloise]

Hi i have a 8 year old SS who has started coming to see us less and less, when i met my DH his son was 4 and we have always had a good relationship and have had ss staying all weekend every weekend, however since the ex has got a new bf, ss doesnt want to see his dad much unless its near his birthday or xmas. not long after ex got this bf we asked ss if he was ok with his mams new bf, he turned round and said 'yes i like him, he better than you daddy' which we couldnt believe so we asked why this was, the reply was 'because my mam said so', since then we would be lucky to see him one every 2 months sometimes longer. i must stress ss did not get punished for his remarks we think it has all come from his mother, im at my wits end with it and its causing probs between me and DH now, anyone else out ther had similar probs, or is it just a phase ss is going through. any advice greatly appreciated

Oh I know what you are going through - SS at age 10 would always make really hurtful comments to DH after his Mum got together with a new guy. He's richer, cleverer, more successful etc etc.
I sadly think it's due to the Mum making comparisons and the new guy buying them loads of stuff - being extra nice just to win them over. I will pass after the honeymoon period is over, please don't let it get to you and your DH too much, try to ignore...

The only advice I can give with this is give your ss time to make up his own mind, I've got a ss who will be 10 in May and although we've not had the 'my mums bf is better than you' we have had the times when he hasn't wanted to speak to his dad on the phone or come and see him, we've never pursued this or challenged him about it, but just recently, things have changed and he's been asking his dad when he can come and see him (they live 170 miles away) and he loves it when his dad calls him 'son'.

When we were going through that stage of my ss not bothering with his dad I advised dh just ask for him on the phone and say how much you love him and can't wait to see him, I don't know if this changed anything but at least my ss knew his dad was always there no matter what.

thanks for all your advice it looks like were just going to have to ride it out & hope things improve.
it seems to be so much harder on dh as he works away all week so when he comes home on weekend he wants to spend time with us all as a family, we moved closer to ss (5 min walk) hoping that we could see him more often but this seems to of had the oposite effect, even though we get told he doesent want to come, we do still go down to see if once he sees his dad then he may change his mind but would never force the issue as i think it would drive him further away