Children holding baby sibling

[KerriHarri31]

Just wondering what people’s views are on siblings holding and carrying their new sibling?

I have a 12year old, 6 year old SD and 12week old my DP and I have different views on what the older two can and cannot do when it comes to the baby.

Thanks I’m advance for any advise/views

I worked with a 7 year old who hada triplet baby siblings and he picked them up but was supervised.

Oh I would be very very clear with DH was she has said and put your foot down. DD is twice babies age. End of conversation, not entertaining his ridiculousness anymore. Of course she can have cuddles supervised, lie next to baby and shake toys etc but holding!?! Who’s to blame when she trips and really hurts baby, or drops them? Or accidentally bangs head into door frame etc.
Absolutely not. Your DH needs a reality check and stop trying to make things “fair”. They are fair. They both have age appropriate contact with baby.

Sorry DD twice DSD age, not baby.

Suggest the 6 year old is in charge of bouncing the seat if you have one, pushing the pushchair, helping at bath time or some other important roles that the 12 year old "can't" do as it's the 6 year olds role. 6 year olds do very in ability too

I won’t be treating my 8 year old, 5 year old and 3 year old the same. I will teach the 8 year old how to pick up her baby brother and hold carefully. She’s extremely sensible and grown up for her age and that would help if she could pick him up when I ask and put on changing mat gently or hold whilst I sort something out etc. 5 year old - no way - I’d be sat next to him when he holds him as he’s a busy child and not careful (and he is 5). There’s no way I’d let a six year old he treated the same as a twelve year old when it comes to a tiny baby xx

You don't treat a 6 and 12 year old the same for goodness sake. Not when it comes to the safety of a baby.

I'd be saying she can have as many cuddles as she likes... Sat down. Not carrying round.

Needs sorting ime...
I was under pressure from ils to allow sil (under 10) to have free rein on my ds... She regularly knocked to take him out on the pram. I offered her the buggy for her doll. Didn't go down well. Once she was playing in the hallway and closed the door. Ds crawled up a few stairs and fell entangled in skipping ropes. I told sil she could no longer play unsupervised.. I got a blasting off fil.. Funny when other sil had a baby a year later she wasn't pressured into allowing her dc to be used as a doll.
Relationship with ils never recovered tbh..

Completely different as everyone says how you let a sensible 12 year old and any 6 year old carry or hold a baby. Supervised the 6 year old can have baby on lap when sitting down but sensible 12 year old whatever.

[quote KerriHarri31]@Anuta77 my DSD also tries to grab baby off me! She told me the other day whilst trying to lift him off my lap and out of my arms that she can look after him properly as I don’t! DP seems to miss these moments and comments. It’s so tiring[/quote]
My SD also wanted to play mommy's and bossed me around, but DP never saw anything. I was afraid of being the evil SM, so I supported it and only corrected her softly, so it became worse. And that's when I had to become harsh (because I didn't have patience for this sh*t anymore) and the baby became a toddler and luckily started affirming himself.

She even told me to leave the baby more with her father, so he gets used to him (in order to be able to take him to her house and in general, because she felt more like a mommy when I wasn't there).

If your husband is one of those defensive about their kids ones, it's probably useless to talk with him, unless you can be very diplomatic and talk about your feelings and fears and even that doesn't always work.

Look her in the eyes and firmly explain that you are the mother and you will be making the decisions. Repeat it every time. And like the previous PP suggested, give her age appropriate tasks that you feel comfortable with.

My dsd 8 at the time held our son on the sofa when he was about 7 months got distracted watching tv and he fell off and broke his arm

I have a 6 year old and a newborn, he is only allowed to hold the baby sat down with supervision. I’ve made it clear to him that he must never try to pick the baby up or hold her without an adults help, it’s just too risky. No matter how careful he is he could drop her, babies throw their heads back/don’t have much control and it wouldn’t be fair on him or her to allow it to happen. I make a big fuss about allowing him to bounce her chair, watch her while I pop to the loo, help me bathe her etc and he likes it.

DP feels that both girls should be treated the same
Well the teenage years are going to be a treat in your house aren’t they? Silly man

Every child can be supervised holding baby whilst sitting and being supported by a cushion on their lap as they do. I encourage children to strike the baby s hand or foot but not smother their face with kisses. Also, I always say no to stroking the baby’s head. In fact that is an absolute no no for me as I was advised by a baby doctor to strongly discourage and child from touching the head of a small baby. Blimey I sound like a right grouch.

Stroke not strike! Lol

[quote KerriHarri31]@Anuta77 my DSD also tries to grab baby off me! She told me the other day whilst trying to lift him off my lap and out of my arms that she can look after him properly as I don’t! DP seems to miss these moments and comments. It’s so tiring[/quote]
She will hopefully change her mind when the baby starts crying regularly for no known reason.

My dsd was 8 when we had our first. She was more then happy to sit him on her knee and have a go of feeding. Now she's 12 we've just had another little monster and she just grabs him an does her own thing. I don't worry at all if she gets him out an walks to another room with him for a cuddle or to play
X

Also my 3yo holds the baby and helps feed him Aslong as we're watching and helping. She knows the boundary's x

Thank you all for your helpful comments.
Pleased to know I am not the only one who thinks 6 years old is too young to carry baby.

I was 10 when my baby sister was born and my mum let me hold her, rock her to sleep, give her a bottle and wind her under supervision. I was allowed to walk whilst holding her but not up and down the stairs. My younger siblings were allowed to hold her whilst sitting down with my mum sat next to them to support. I would not let a 6 year old hold a baby on their own and most definitely not walk around with one. So I don't think you are being unreasonable.

NO, just no. Your DH is completely in the wrong here and this needs to be non-negotiable.

Not fair on your DSD - she isn't old enough to carry the baby safely at all. Your DH is essentially putting her at risk too.

She told me the other day whilst trying to lift him off my lap and out of my arms that she can look after him properly as I don’t!

You need a BIG chat with your DH if this is to work. You now need to be able to step into a more direct parental role as the welfare of your baby is paramount. His choice is to either support you in that or suck up seeing you direct his child with or without his support. Or there will be trouble brewing. His child now has to renegotiate her 'landscape' and she will need help and guidance with that - you're now no longer 'step mum' but have come a step closer as the mum of her little sibling. She needs to be able to look to her dad and see him support this change, not look and see him reinforce an 'us and them' mentality. Because - where does that leave the baby? Not with either camp. It's not workable.

'That's not an ok thing to say, X. I am this baby's mummy and that means that yes I AM the person who looks after them. You don't try and take a baby out of their mummy's arms unless they pass them to you, that will upset the baby.'