Aargh! Need some advice!

[NeverEnoughCats]

My partner and his children moved in about four weeks ago. We have four kids between us (I have two girls aged 12 and 14, he has a boy aged 12 and a girl of 9). Kids have all got on well so far, particularly our youngest girls who are firm friends. They all have their own bedroom, and my eldest and his eldest both have their own bathrooms.

However, despite having had no problems with eating my food in the past, his DS is pretty much refusing to eat anything I cook. He doesn’t like this and that, just picks at what I make, and it’s really starting to get me down. DP’s kids are here 50% of the time, so it’s a significant amount of meals. My girls are really good eaters, they eat veg, salad, fish, meat, anything really, and I’ve always encouraged them to eat a varied and healthy diet.

Not really sure what to do. I don’t know whether to persevere and think that maybe he’s just acting up a bit, and keep giving him the meals that I cook, or whether to change what I serve to the types of meals that his mum gives him? Any ideas?

How about you continue to offer him what the rest of the kids get but with the knowledge that whether he eats or not is actually his dads responsibility rather than yours?
If dad is happy to let things continue bad they are - fine. If dad isn’t happy I’m sure he knows where the pans are kept and he can make his son food separately. That’s his job as a parent.
Whatever you do, don’t get yourself tied in knots trying to cater and pander to things like this. That way madness lies.

I think you need your DP's take on this to know if he's always been a picky eater or if he's acting up.

As PP says it is your DPs responsibility to worry c his diet really, but equally no one wants an undernourished 12 year old.

Once you know the answer to that you and your DP can decide what to do. If he's a long term picky eater I'd be prepared to make some simple adaptions, but if he needs anything major DP/his mum need to step in w freezer meals. If he's just acting up I'd ignore and he'll likely stop doing it.

But do rope in DP - he should be worrying more than you.

Does he still pick at the food when your DP cooks?

DP and I kind of cook together. He’ll peel the veg, I do x, he does y, I do z while he feeds the cats, and then we dish up together.

It has only been the last three or four weeks, since they moved in.

With my kids I’ve always been ‘eat what you’re given, there isn’t anything else’, and they’re now really good eaters, and will eat veg, salad, whatever.

I have 3 step children who are all picky eaters, eldest is 11, at one point every meal time I was making 4 different meals as none of them liked the same thing and I was trying to keep them happy, in the end it got too stressful and expensive so my DH just told me to make them what we eat (nothing strange just lasagne, toad in the hole, stuff like that) and if they don’t eat it there’s plenty of fruits/healthy snacks so they won’t starve, it’s defo been less stressful but they’ve staRted to eat a lot more than they did, just persevere with it, they go through phases :)