Half siblings sharing..

[Maya2920]

Hi,

I need bit of advice please..

I have a baby girl that’s nearly 1 year old and my partner has a son from a previous relationship who is 11 years old and we are just about to move into a property that is now only 2 bedrooms (we have had an opportunity to move from renting to buying but we can only afford to buy a smaller property) and I am uncomfortable with them sharing but my partner is adamant that they will share.

My partners boy stays with us 2 nights per month and I’m worried about this being quite disruptive to my baby’s pattern as she is very easily disturbed and there is going to be a difference with bed times between the children. Secondly, my partners son is a messy little tiger and I’m constantly finding bits of toys and Lego here there and everywhere and it’s a concern of them sharing a room and my soon to be toddler finding something and potentially choking.

I’m a first time mum and I can’t tell if I’m just over reacting with worries or if I’m right in how I’m feeling.

My solution for alternative sleeping would be a decent air bed or even potentially a pull out sofa bed.

Thanks

God these threads are always so depressing. Kids being born left right and centre, with no thought as to how they will be adequately housed.

I would bring DD in with me and OH for 2 nights a months in a travel cot. We do that when we go away to a 2 bedroom flat.

I can’t believe people are suggesting missing out on the opportunity to get on the housing ladder because they think a child who stays 24 nights a year needs a bedroom there

I stayed with my dad EOW on a sofa bed, plenty of kids do this. No long lasting damage here!
My mum’s house was home and my dad’s house was a “visiting home”. I loved them both and grew up having great relationships with them both.

Either put your DD in your room for the 2 months a night he stays or get a sofa bed.

Please don’t be silly enough to give up the opportunity to buy a house, especially in this economic climate.

@SpongebobNoPants I thought the same thing. It's very simplistic to say they should just keep renting, and also pretty callous to accuse them of being thoughtless by having another child when it's not exactly a stretch of the imagination given the climate that they may be struggling financially in a way they weren't when the second child was born.

@aSofaNearYou it’s crazy!
People on this board are insane when it comes to SC. It’s different if they were staying a couple of nights a week but once a once a fortnight visitor does not need a bedroom.
I also think it’s bizarrely short sighted to assume the best thing for the SC is to stay renting... surely the parents financial stability is more beneficial? Renting is not guaranteed either, the landlord could sell at any point and not renew the tenure.

Sorry I meant *a once a fortnight visitor

The working out ad-hoc sleeping arrangements for 2 nights a month isn't the issue though. That can always be done, somehow.

It's more about the partner being 'adamant' that they will share and all that might come along with that. OP should be getting to the heart of this before they move, and coming to an agreement. What does he mean by 'share'? That the room is decorated neutrally as it's got to fit both children? That their daughter won't be allowed to spread 'her' things into 'his' half of the room? That there'll always be an extra bed in there?

The bottom line is that it is likely that the partner is hung up on his son having 'equal status' in this house because he feels guilt, and fear that if his son feels like a guest, he'll drift away from overnights. That's understandable. BUT - it won't be fair on your DD the other way. So what, the son has his own private space for most of the month, and also takes half of the only space available for his sister's private space? No.

It's really not easily surmountable with a 2-bed, but I'd advise OP to make sure this isn't gonig to turn into a my child- your child battle, because if it is, then no actually it might be better to stay renting that open up that kind of divide in the family.

More depressed at any child staying with their parent 2 nights per month and the people on here thinking this is acceptable.

Truly depressing thread

@bogoffmda you have no idea of the circumstances so you can’t judge.
My cousin’s ex wife moved over 450 miles away and he was granted EOW contact via family court.
By the time he finishes work on a Friday (normal 9-5 job) and drove up to collect the kids it would often be 9pm before he even reached them, let alone the drive back.
So instead the parents decided it was best the Friday night contact was dropped and so he gets up at 4.30 on the Saturday morning so he arrives with them early and drops them home on the Sunday night ready for school the next day.

Sometimes it’s the only option.

OMG SAME PROBLEM SO BLOODY UNFAIR

@AlexaShutUp

We have said though on those four days the baby will stay in a travel cot in our room

That sounds like a sensible solution for the time being.

Don't kick your own child out ffs no you will have to find another space for your step child not your child who lives at your home full time what is with people who believe children from broken families deserve 2 bedrooms and the child who has both parents has to have there routine and pattern disrupted ridiculous!

Can you afford to buy a bigger property in the next few years? If so I'd keep daughter in your room until then as she won't know the difference and give SS his own room.

Oh sorry I didn't realise it's only 2 nights a month. Maybe a sofa bed in that case.

Yanbu to think that they can't share. My teenagers would be at the thought of sharing with a much younger sibling of the opposite sex.

As a short term measure I'd put a bed in the second bedroom and have dd sleep with me when dss stays.

As your dss gets older he will want a space to be alone and listen to music or whatever. If his bed is in the living room that would be mean sacrificing the living room when he comes to stay. Would you be able to keep dd out?

Does the DSS really need two bedrooms, especially for 24 nights year. It's crazy to deny your DD her own space.

It wont be an issue for long. I doubt the 11 year old will want to sleep over in a couple of years when it means sleeping in a 3 year little girls bedroom. He'll want his space in the evening to game, message mates etc... and wont be able to do that.

You and your dp need to decide if your happy with that, quite sad if you are.

@lunar1

How disruptive to your daughter can he possibly be 24 nights a year! Just put a bed in her room and bring your Dd into yours when he stays.

Does he stay extra in holidays?

That is what I would do.

This thread is depressing.

2 nights a month? He's not a visitor. Precious little is done for him already