Missing my son as soon as he goes to dads....

[Kel9]

I’ve been co-parenting with my sons dad since my son was 3. We work well together. My son is now 8 and he’s use to the situation and my ex and I have moved on with other partners.

When my son is with me I try make the most of it as my ex and I share custody so it’s 50/50. He drives me nuts half the time but as soon as he’s away I really miss him!!

I thought after all this time I’d be over it by now.. don’t get me wrong I don’t pine for him lol and I enjoy the down time too but I feel this horrible guilt for telling him off/shouting at him when he’s with me.

God knows I’ll get over it but hey the role of the mother never ends even when they are not with you!

What are you doing when your son is at his dads?

I have close to 50/50 contact schedule with my exh. In the beginning I used to find it hard, but now I’m used to it. Covid has made it harder as when the children were with the ex, I used to use that time to do the stuff I couldn’t do when they’re with me (unless paying for babysitting). Dinner out with friends, nice relaxing session at the gym followed by papers / coffee. Shopping. Watching 18 movies etc etc.

Now we’re sat indoors with none of that distraction, it is a little harder. But equally I enjoy the peace and quiet and watch the rubbish tv I enjoy and they hate.

I don’t over compensate on the time they’re with me either. They do chores, get disciplined exactly the same as if they were with me all the time. Separation is hard for all involved in these set ups, but I refuse to raise entitled, rude, ill mannered children. So I continue to parent robustly and fortunately so does my exh. So (touchwood) out children are growing up into well mannered, thoughtful people.

You’re not alone. These set ups are hard. I allow myself a degree of self pity once in a while. But then I remind myself that our children are thriving with two parents who are happier apart than if they were together.

The role of mother doesn’t stop when they’re not with you? Well no role of a parent stops when said parent is not with child. But I do completely switch off knowing they’re being well cared for by the other parent. Do you manage to switch off in this regard too?

There is literally no answer to this. Itll always be that way and in time you can only hope for it to ease naturally as you let him grow without you. Part of being a parent is letting them go little by little until they're able to do everything themselves and do it well. Obviously when mistakes happen they'll be back with you wanting a mum cuddle and off they go again.
Its a tough job to do but thats what we sign up for.

I'd do what sassbot advises and make sure you have activities for when he is gone. Thats all you can do!

I think I’m hormonal there’s times I’m glad of the peace 😂🙈 it’s just I’ve had him for a few weeks and I miss the madness in the house!

I understand how you feel. I feel like that when my kids are sleeping or staying over friends/my mom. Forgive yourself for shouting at him, you're doing your best and I'm sure he feels your love.

I’m get over it lol he’s back Tuesday and no doubt I’ll be climbing the walls again 😂😂