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DS obsessed with my DP

8 replies

IcyToes123 · 31/12/2020 11:27

Apologies if this is on the wrong thread. I was wondering whether anyone else had experienced their child being literally obsessed with their DP? I've been with my partner for nearly 3 years (we don't live together). DS7 has a good relationship with his own Dad and sees him regularly but he is constantly asking when my DP is coming over. And I mean constantly. He gets upset if he doesn't see him for a few days or if he isn't planning to come over that evening. He is glued to his side when my DP is here, he will never leave him alone. Tells him he loves him, that he's his best friend. It may sound lovely, and I'm happy they have such a great relationship, but sometimes it concerns me just how much DS wants him around. Has anyone else had this? DP is great with him and deals with it all very well (although sometimes I can sense he is feeling a little smothered, but he doesn't let on to DS). I collected DS from his Dad's last week, we were on the doorstep and he asked me if DP was coming over, I said yes and DS literally ran to my car yelling 'YESSSSSS' and didn't say goodbye to his Dad. I felt quite embarrassed!

(For those of you wondering, I've formed a bubble with my DP Smile) x

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
FortunesFave · 31/12/2020 11:31

Ask yourself why it's a problem.

Think carefully about the reasons behind your concern over it.

What are they?

IcyToes123 · 31/12/2020 11:53

@FortunesFave Thanks for replying. I guess if I'm being honest:

  1. If me and DP were to separate I'm not sure how DS would cope.
  1. DS' Dad getting annoyed (DS talks about DP all the time at his house and me and my ex don't have a good relationship).
  1. DP starting to feel really smothered.
  1. Why DS is so attached - when DP is here it is like I don't exist which isn't always easy as he'll stop listening to me and only listen to DP.
OP posts:
Fueledwithfairydustandgin · 31/12/2020 12:06

What is his relationship like with his Dad?

IcyToes123 · 31/12/2020 12:14

@Fueledwithfairydustandgin His Dad has him about 40% of the time and they have a good relationship (although sometimes DS will say he doesn't want to go to his Dad's if he knows DP is coming over).

OP posts:
MrsWooster · 31/12/2020 12:20

Can you identify what ds ‘gets’ out of his relationship with dp? Does he feel safe..? Does he feel that attaching to dp will somehow ‘please’ you..? What was the situation when you and ex split-could ds have interpreted somehow that he was responsible and is avoiding repeating this? Obviously I have no clue if any of these are near the mark and he may just like dp’s football watching or something, but there’s always some ‘payoff’ for behaviours (however misinterpreted or plain wrong it may be).

KarmaNoMore · 31/12/2020 12:26

Your son is getting to an age when they really enjoy having male role models around. Think of your DP as a favourite uncle but talk to your son about how important it is for him to give you some adult time with him.

DS got very attached to exBF, when he was 5 someway he assumed BF was his friend coming to play with rather than visiting me. We worked around the issue by having time for children and time for adults which worked beautifully because we had some lovely times as a “family” but DS also got to understand that we needed our own time to talk about things as adults.

We ended not together after several years, when DS was 9 but we tried to do it a friendly way. 10 years later we still meet with him and his kid from time to time so the kids can play and we all have a catch up. I love to see them when they talk to each other now that DS is almost an adult, still mates, lots of fun but in a more mature way.

But as I said, as much as he looks up to him, he needs to know he is your partner first not his playmate Smile

FortunesFave · 31/12/2020 21:06

You can't help DS Dad getting annoyed...so cut that one out. It's not your fault.

Where do you see your relationship with your partner going? After 3 years is it time to commit or not to commit?

Have you and DP spoken about marriage or anything?

FortunesFave · 31/12/2020 21:08

As a side note, I agree with Kate. My SIL is a lone parent...has never had the Dad involved with her son who is now 6. He is obsessed with my DH as that's his only younger male role model.

I totally understand your worry though...what if you and DP split up sort of thing.

That's why I think it's time to talk to DP about long term plans. After 3 years, you and he should know where you're going.

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