Help please :(

[Catherineh08]

So I’m at the end of my tether crying into a t shirt ... I have been a SP for 6.5 years. Worst couple years of my life at first (due to a number of diff things) a few good ones and now I’m losing it again. Have the kids 50:50. I am very much present and active in every aspect of their life. Eldest boy is 10, amazing, good as gold, couldn’t ask for a better kid. 8 year old boy, polar opposite, most spoiled (not by us), horrendous, face pulling small human there is. I’m sure worse off and neglected children have a far better attitude. We’ve brought them both up the same and continue to, how can I stop the 8yo being so horrendous? Every meal you make, dislikes a part of it, anything you ask of him, pulls a face. He still uses a baby voice to ask for things (he won’t ask me because he knows he probably won’t get it) and that’s the only time he’s ever pleasant. The sort of kid who on Christmas Day asks where’s the rest of it, bordering obnoxious at times. I’m scared of not wanting to be around him which is where I’m at right now ... help please? Having ‘time off’ and getting grandparents to look after them every now and again has not been an option since COVID and tbh even before that on our days, we are with them 99% of the time. I need a break but I will not get a break. Help please xx

What does your other half have to say about his behaviour?

Can you take a big step back and leave your other half to deal with it?

You and other half need to have a discussion about this and both be on the very same page! Then you both need to come down on him like a ton of bricks because otherwise, you will end up with a horrendous teenager and it will literally break your relationship apart because it will only get worse! He sound like an obnoxious child who needs to be put in his place as he is clearly too big for his boots!

Yes, DH needs to set boundaries and stick to them, with you and him working as a team. It is also unfair and wearing for the older boy if his brother gets so much attention, and consistently gets away with bad behaviour.

@FoxtrotOscarPoppet

What does your other half have to say about his behaviour?

Can you take a big step back and leave your other half to deal with it?

Yes I am going to take a big step back I think he believes there is only so much we can do when he has no boundaries at his mums house which he has no control over

You name changed from Catherine to suzanh, might be an idea to report your post and ask MN to change your username if you don’t want your posts to follow you

Children are used to different rules in different places - home, school, grandparents, shops, etc.

So your DP should not hesitate to parent the way he wants to. Children thrive on supportive boundaries. Dropping all his standards because the ex fails to parent is not putting his son’s needs first. It’s a race to the bottom.

I was in a similar situation to his, DSS1 was so much easier then DSS2. He was around 8 when I met him and behaved like this. I think a lot of it is immaturity and pushing boundaries. Also not fully coping with the swap in standards/expectations from the different households. All you can do is be consistent with your approach and remind him of what is expected when he’s at your house. DSS2 is now 14 and it has started to get a lot easier in the last 12 months, he seems to have grown up a lot.