Does it sound like there could be something more going on?

[Umbongi]

I have thought this for a while now about my DSC (9) but haven't broached it with DH as I'm not sure it's my place.

I think there may be something going on with him, possibly undiagnosed ASD or similar.

The reasons for my concerns are:

• in all my time with DH, I have never (and neither has anyone else) had a proper conversation with them. DH has even said the same before. You will get yes or no responses to questions and maybe sometimes a little more on a rare occasion but nothing more than that. It's not a language problem in the sense that he can speak and say words, he just seems very awkward about conversation if that makes sense? Even with his parents.

• his concentration levels are really bad. I know kids aren't well known for being able to concentrate for long periods of time but this is on top of that. He seems to 'drift off' a lot when we are doing anything and doesn't seem there really.

• he will ask questions that have literally just been asked. It's really noticeable. For example, say if one of the DC asks.. I don't know... What are candles made from and we answer and talk about candles (random example sorry 😂), once the conversation is finished (which he's been present for), he will immediately ask what candles are made from. But not in a just being cheeky kind of way, it's like he's genuinely heard but not really if that makes sense?

• he likes to be alone a lot. He doesn't like to sit and watch films with the rest of us for example. He would happily sit in his room and play a game to himself all day if allowed.

Does this sound like anything to you? Should I just leave it alone? I don't want to overstep and this is coming from a place of genuine care about him.

Does he have a hearing problem, do you think?

@HollowTalk

Does he have a hearing problem, do you think?

No I don't think so. He can watch things himself and never has it loud or complains about not being able to hear it or anything.

I can't explain it other than he just seems to drift a lot and not really be there?

9 year old in my family and recalling when my kids were that age could easily hold a conversation.

Do you know if his school have noticed anything? Or how he performs at school? Do you hear him conversing with other kids at all?

It does sound like a concern. Can you look online for an ASD checklist?
I don't have one to recommend but typically there would be say, 50 questions about social interaction, reaction to noise, gatherings, hobbies, looking people in the eye, role playing games, and so on.
That might give you a firmer idea and something to discuss with school.

This is my 15 YO SD.

Mum & dad will not entertain or discuss the idea and the ‘challenges’ are getting more visible.

I would urge you to speak to dad in a non confrontational way to get the kid assessed.

My my case, these are the things I’ve observed (which mum & dad put down to being an introvert and fussy eater):

I have known her for over 7 years and not once has she had a conversation with me. This also goes for friends of ours etc. She only gives one word answers to dad.

She sits in silence or gives yes, no, don’t know answers. It’s painful to watch.

Doesn’t stick at anything and also has low concentration levels. As an example - at 15 can’t strip her own bed despite being shown numerous times or had it explained.

Has absolutely no interests and has no passion for anything. Watches TV or a phone screen. Does no exercise and has to be dragged out.

Prefers to be alone. Sits next to us on the sofa with head phones in. When asked to take them out & join in will just sit in silence.

Dinner time is a struggle. Is the fussiest eater - will only eat bland oven food. Won’t try anything new or there is a melt down.

Can’t get public transport on her own. Isn’t interested in getting pocket money. Has no interest in gaining any life skills. Doesn’t want to learn to cook. I would say she’s at a 12 YO level of maturity.

This has caused so many arguments between my OH & I. It’s not getting any better.

An assessment won’t do any harm. Good luck.