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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Christmas Eve

25 replies

AshOakRowan · 23/12/2020 09:17

Name changed.

DSS and DSD were going to sleep Christmas Eve and spend the morning with their younger sister and then go home to their partners.

The first time in many many years I changed the plans up to focus on my family. DSKs have been with us every year for well over a decade plus some. This year we are having dinner with my sibling. DD can see her cousin.

All OK, then the rules changed and we've said they can't sleep but are welcome to come for the morning. Older one not happy at all and making out we don't want to see him. DH is now backtracking and wants them to come just after midnight on Christmas day. Honestly, I get the points he is making, but I just dont feel with comfatable this.

Also, we had not thought through the bubble rules until now, and the new arragements means we remain in bubble as only DSD coming in the morning.

What are your thoughts? If it was my family, it would be a straight no. They are mid to late 20s. Our DPs are not going to my sisters now, so it isn't just them with changed plans.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

hadesinahalfahell · 23/12/2020 09:52

Why can't they sleep over if you're happy with the principle of them visiting?

Original poster

AshOakRowan · 23/12/2020 10:32

Because we're in tier 3 and overnight visits are not allowed.

OP posts:

choli · 23/12/2020 10:35

I think you need to stop thinking in terms of rules and use some common sense to make a risk assessment.

Original poster

AshOakRowan · 23/12/2020 10:40

I am using common sense and I am hoping many other people are too, otherwise we will be in a lockdown for a very long time. I dont fancy being part of a chain neither, our DD hasn't been off school for a week yet, and the DSS will be onward visiting after us for Christmas Dinner at another household.

OP posts:

AnnaFiveTowns · 23/12/2020 10:51

But you're not using common sense; what difference does it make, in terms of infection, if they come at 8pm or midnight and then sleep over?

Original poster

AshOakRowan · 23/12/2020 11:06

Well I don't want them to come at midnight.

DSD is coming for a few hours in the morning. DSS is not. If they stopped over night then the risk of potential transmission increases, this is why they have stopped it. In addition, we remain in a bubble and not a chain. DH wants then over at midnight which also creates a chain if they both stay over. DSS if off to his fiancé's parents for dinner. DSD goes home to her partner.

January is likely to be terrible if people are just mixing with no thought.

OP posts:

NorthernSpirit · 23/12/2020 11:11

You are Tier 3 - NO over night visits.

They are adults (some may disagree) - in my world mid to late 20’s is an adult (do they not have their own family, partners they can have a sleepover with)?

Absolutely no need for them to sleep over.

People are dying. The sooner people stick to the guidelines, the sooner we can get this disease under control and go back to normality.

Original poster

AshOakRowan · 23/12/2020 11:17

Yes see above. DSS lives with a fiancé and is of to her parents for dinner. It feels like people don't expect the rules to apply to step children. Even if they are soon to be 30 somethings.

I'd have loved for them to wake up with DD and to do the whole present thing, but its a no this year, it just feels like it is me making all these rules up.

OP posts:

Tiredoftattler · 23/12/2020 12:55

Why are any of you leaving the homes in which you live? You can become infected during a day or evening visit as easily as you can become infected on an over night visit.

Tbh, it sounds like irresponsible planning on every level. Every risk that you are willing to take creates a potential risk for so many others. Missing out on visiting anyone for 1 holiday that is an annual occurrence hardly seems to be a big price to pay for avoiding potential exposure to yourself and others.

Your daughter and steps can plan on spending next Xmas together . None of you should be visiting outside of your home. It is very selfish to act in a way that has the potential to put others at risk. You can assume whatever personal risk that you are willing to undertake, but you have no control then over how or who you might expose to that same risk.

Xmas is certain to come again next year. Exposed friends, family, and strangers are not certain to be around next year. That is a high price to be willing to pay for a few hours of elective visitation.

Original poster

AshOakRowan · 23/12/2020 13:58

Amazing to see the difference in responses from don't obey the rules and let people stop over to ignore the rules and barracade yourself at home.

OP posts:

hadesinahalfahell · 23/12/2020 14:00

Why do you think there is more risk of infection if they stay overnight in comparison to them staying in your house all day?

Original poster

AshOakRowan · 23/12/2020 14:05

They arnt staying in the house all day. Not sure where you read that. A couple of hours in the morning. Just one of them. I'd say no too that too but it's my DHs house too.

We are my sisters support bubble. My parents are not joining and I've said no to the kids staying.

OP posts:

hadesinahalfahell · 23/12/2020 15:06

Alright whatever, what is the difference between two hours and overnight? Either way, you've been in close contact with them.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/12/2020 16:44

Your sister is your bubble so you shouldn’t be having both DSC over at all. One of them is fine but not both. Easier to say neither. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve had them over for Christmas, this year they should stay in their usual households.

HerRoyalNotness · 23/12/2020 16:54

Much easier to distance physically for a 2hr visit than overnight I’d say.

I thought you were going to say they were young children, but adults, no, they should understand they can’t come this year, it’s not like they don’t have any other plans either!

Magda72 · 23/12/2020 17:14

If your sister is your bubble then given how bad everything has gotten neither of them should be visiting. This is not the year to get sentimental about Christmas and your dh needs to grow up imo.

Trying to circumnavigate the no overnight thing by having dss arrive after midnight is just taking the piss.
These are adult 'children' with partners not small kids.

MeridianB · 23/12/2020 17:19

@AnneLovesGilbert

This.

Your DH and his adult children need to get their heads round the fact that this year is different. Assuming you established the support bubble with your DH’s agreement, he can’t change the rules as and when it suits.

So let people get sniffy and sulky. You didn’t make the rules!

MellowBird85 · 23/12/2020 17:26

Why the fuck is a 20 odd year old MAN getting flouncy about not being able to stay over at his parent’s house on Xmas Eve? Is he jealous of your DC putting the carrot out for Rudolph? Pathetic.

LouJ85 · 23/12/2020 19:08

Why the fuck is a 20 odd year old MAN getting flouncy about not being able to stay over at his parent’s house on Xmas Eve?

Well I did wonder this myself ... 🤔

RedMarauder · 23/12/2020 19:12

When you started talking about your SC I thought they were teenagers. The fact that they are adults means you need to tell your DH and them to act like adults and obey the law. This means they are not staying overnight.

Charlie63849 · 25/12/2020 03:39

Well if they are his kids then you can’t really stop them coming over if he wants them to come over

LatentPhase · 25/12/2020 08:58

@MellowBird85

Why the fuck is a 20 odd year old MAN getting flouncy about not being able to stay over at his parent’s house on Xmas Eve? Is he jealous of your DC putting the carrot out for Rudolph? Pathetic.

Sums it up for me. ‘The poooooor stepChildren’ - they are adults!

Hope common sense prevailed.

Pinkyxx · 25/12/2020 11:59

I can't understand why some feel they are exempt. one simply cannot put a step child under 18 on a par with one in their 20's. No one is special and everyone's Christmas is shot. FFS grow up

God help us all in January.

LouJ85 · 26/12/2020 19:07

@Charlie63849

Well if they are his kids then you can’t really stop them coming over if he wants them to come over

They aren't "kids". They are adults.

00100001 · 26/12/2020 21:52

It's abitnodd that they're both adults, have partners and want to spend Christmas Eve night and Christmas day morning with their dad and step Mum.

I'd expect to see my DD in this situation either for a few hours on Christmas Eve and/or on the day, probably around noon/lunchtime onwards

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